The Pitch
Farouk: “So, Mr. Akbar … Ali … do you mind if I call you Ali? … So, there’s this evil Jewish Queen, and she’s lives across the hall from these three wacky Muslim guys in New York … “
Ali Akbar: “Evil Jewish Queen, three Muslim guys … wacky. Are they cab drivers?”
Farouk: “Sure, they’re cab drivers. Very funny guys, always up to something, zany stuff. Exploding pizzas, exploding flowers, exploding sheep. The whole thing.”
Ali Akbar: “Exploding sheep. That’s different. Go on.”
Farouk: “The Jewish queen always falls for it. Kablooey! Very evil but sort of stupid. And there’s an exploding Grandma, too.”
Ali Akbar: “Exploding Grandma, hmmmm. What do you think, Achmed?”
Achmed: “I like the exploding Grandma.”
Farouk: “Yeah. She fusses over the wacky cab drivers, does their ironing, serves them hand and foot, always got some pita bread in the oven. You know, wholesome and traditional. She loves her boys. But righteous and intent on martyrdom, too. A lot of attitude. And the evil Jewish queen’s like, wicked Zionist. I have this great idea for a Passover episode where she’s making Matzo balls …”
Ali Akbar: “… with the blood of Muslim children! Ha ha ha! I love that!”
Farouk: “Exactly! The audience knows the story, its an old favorite but with a new twist. The evil Jewish queen lives with these two homosexual Crusaders. They wear tight pants and dance a lot. Drinking alcohol, eating pork, the whole thing.”
Achmed: “The evil Jewish queen is eating pork?”
Farouk: “Secular. Very evil.”
Achmed: “OK.”
Farouk: “So exploding Grandma comes over to borrow some sugar. Kablooey! It’s kind of Seinfeld meets Grace meets Roseanne meets the Protocols of the Elders of Zion. Retro but with a real 1420s edge. We’re aiming for that young urban terrorist demographic. You know, hip, unemployed, suicidal, lots of disposable time on their hands.”
Ali Akbar: “I think we can do business, Farouk. Achmed, call Legal and have them draw up papers. … now Farouk, I want you to make sure there’s lots of kablooey. That’s what people want, you know. Kablooey and lots of it!”
“Oh, don’t you worry, Mr. Akbar. It’s all about the kablooey.”
“Please, please, call me Ali.”
Additional Culturally Insensitive Wrongness:
Dan Riehl cruelly mocks the right of imams to fly on their own terms.
Topics: Al Stooges of Three
Posted by Jules Crittenden at 10:21 pm on Thursday, December 7, 2006
One Response to “The Pitch”
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December 7th, 2006 at 10:43 pm
I am the Evil Joooish Queen! All your al-Stoojis are belong to us! Ha! Ha!