Top 10 Things You Can Do to Keep Guantanamo Open
Amnesty International is celebrating the 5th anniversary of free tropical vacations for terrorists, away from all the cares of martyrdom, with a call to close the place.
These are Amnesty’s suggestions, modified to make sense.
STEP 1– Send an email to your US ambassador. Or if you’re a Yank, to your US rep. Tell them you are pleased the United States is humanely removing terrorists from circulation, on those occasions when it fails to kill them on the spot. If you need assistance, see Amnesty’s helpfully provided letter. Copy it in mirror-writing, like Leonardi DaVinci, and send it off. If that’s too difficult, just write “not” in all the right places.
STEP 2 – Phone in. See Amnesty International’s link to the hated Crusader government’s list of US embassies, call the nearest one up, and tell them how much you love Gitmo.
Say that you are pleased that hundreds of detainees remain held in the camp, at no charge, for the duration of hostilities, with decent and humane treatment. Just like prisoners of war. Even though as terrorists and unlawful combatants, they aren’t even entitled to it. Thank the person you are speaking to for giving you their time.
STEP 3 – Ask your friends to do the same today!
The three steps above actually constitute one step in Amnesty-think, which is confusing, but its their list, so whatever. Next:
2. Send an email to President George W. Bush. The helpfully provided Amnesty International dummy email will also need some re-write. Tell the Leader of the Free World he’s doing a bang-up job, and you hope Surge Iraq 2007 and Somalia Redux will produce more guests for Gitmo!
3. Sail, fly, windsurf with the Close Guantánamo flotilla. Apparently these nut jobs have some kind of Sail Cuba vacation planned. Get on board, see if you can get some earnest peacenik chick action in the runup, and at the opportune moment, whip out your “I (HEART) GITMO!” banner!
This extraordinary journey, a unique opportunity to express your opposition to, excuse me, support for Guantánamo, could get you laid and let you show your support for freedom!
Invite your friends to travel with you to thwart Amnesty’s stupidity!
4. Get involved locally
Find an event near you or contact your nearest Amnesty International office. Then show up with your “I (HEART) GITMO!” sign.
Visit their “Close Guantánamo” blog for opportunities to disrupt their activism in many countries, and for laughs.
5. Say “Close Guantánamo” on camera. Do it with milk coming out your nose, pencils in your ears, maybe a clown hat, I don’t know. Be creative.
You want Guantánamo to stay open? Say/sing/act “I (HEART) GITMO!” on camera in a 5 to 10 seconds video clip! If you can, shoot your video at a recognizable landmark from your city or your country. The Eiffel Tower would be good. The Kremlin. The Reichstag. Tiananmen Square. Some place that embodies the spirit of your nation. The first infidel to shoot one in front of the Kabaa gets honorable mention!
Amnesty International has a compilation of some of the videos received so far. I suggest watching these for inspiration. You might see something good to mock.
6. Speak out and praise Guantanamo
Alert all your email contacts. Write to your local newspapers, magazines and on-line media, or contact your local radio and TV station expressing your support for Guantánamo and asking them to link to your ‘I (HEART) GITMO’ website.
7. Tell your friends about Guantánamo Bay. How great it is.
8. Check out to Amnesty International’s free E-Magazine. Boring as crap, but you might get more good ideas for subverting this ridiculous campaign there.
9. Learn more about Guantánamo. How its being under-utilitized, for example, and how they feed these terrorists so well they are getting fat.
10.Put an “I (HEART) GITMO” banner on your site or blog.
Remember, the 5th anniversary of Guantanamo marks the 5th anniversary of the fall of the hated Taliban regime, which beat women for eating ice cream, not to mention the beheadings. This occasion should be celebrated!
UPDATES
While you’re loving Gitmo, don’t forget the hated Crusader Gulag’s hardworking turnkeys, guards and interrogators. From reader Penny:
around christmastime, i saw a piece on line somewhere that said the gitmo prisoners were getting more mail than the soldiers … the address is Any Soldier, JTF GTMO, APO AE 09360… a regular stamp will do the trick ( preferably one with the flag on it i think).
Gateway has photo roundup of orange jumpsuit protests, plus where-are-they now on prior Guantanamo guests.
Slightly off topic, but Shrinkwrapped analyzes stupid politician tricks.
Topics: Uncategorized
Posted by Jules Crittenden at 12:02 am on Friday, January 12, 2007
10 Responses to “Top 10 Things You Can Do to Keep Guantanamo Open”
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January 12th, 2007 at 1:11 pm
Hi Jules,
Do you have an “I heart Gitmo” banner we can put on our blogs or is there one available somewhere?
January 12th, 2007 at 2:40 pm
You’ll have to talk to the I Heart Gitmo people at Cafe Press. I only write words, not html.
January 12th, 2007 at 3:26 pm
Trackbacked at The Thunder Run - Web Reconnaissance for 01/12/2007
January 12th, 2007 at 5:53 pm
Thanks, I got it!
January 12th, 2007 at 6:03 pm
I agree we should keep it open.
It will make a great place to detain any U.S. military personnel who thought it was okay to attack another country without Congressional approval…
Gotta put ‘em all somewhere.
January 12th, 2007 at 7:16 pm
“Gitmo: Your tropical retreat from the stresses of Jihad”
January 12th, 2007 at 10:24 pm
a great place to detain any U.S. military personnel
Get a clue, buy a vowel. Congress isn’t in the chain of command.
January 12th, 2007 at 11:16 pm
What country do you live in, PA?
Here in America, only Congress can declare war.
As an aside, they also approve or disapprove the promotions of all military officers…
January 13th, 2007 at 4:04 am
Here in America, only Congress can declare war.
Only the president gives orders to the military.
January 13th, 2007 at 4:06 am
The congress could declare war on every single country on the planet. If the president doesn’t order troops to move, NOTHING HAPPENS.
Pelosi don’t have the football.
Reid don’t have the football.
The president has the football.