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Dem Plan Is Here

Check out Michael Moore.  The hot dog addict has done something the entire Democratic membership of Congress couldn’t manage. He’s come up with a plan.  It’s a stupid plan, and appears to be intended as satire. It’s not very good satire, though Moore does an artful job here of mimicking the style of someone who perpetually stuck in the 10th grade.  But it is a plan:

… Listen, can I be frank? Sending in 20,000 more troops just ain’t gonna do the job. That will only bring the troop level back up to what it was last year. And we were losing the war last year! We’ve already had over a million troops serve some time in Iraq since 2003. Another few thousand is simply not enough to find those weapons of mass destruction! Er, I mean… bringing those responsible for 9/11 to justice! Um, scratch that. Try this — BRING DEMOCRACY TO THE MIDDLE EAST! YES!!!

You’ve got to show some courage, dude! You’ve got to win this one! C’mon, you got Saddam! You hung ‘im high! I loved watching the video of that — just like the old wild west! The bad guy wore black! The hangmen were as crazy as the hangee! Lynch mobs rule!!!

… Sir, listen to me. You have to send in MILLIONS of troops to Iraq, not thousands! The only way to lick this thing now is to flood Iraq with millions of us! I know that you’re out of combat-ready soldiers — so you have to look elsewhere! The only way you are going to beat a nation of 27 million — Iraq — is to send in at least 28 million! Here’s how it would work:

The first 27 million Americans go in and kill one Iraqi each. That will quickly take care of any insurgency. The other one million of us will stay and rebuild the country. Simple.

Now, I know you’re saying, where will I find 28 million Americans to go to Iraq? Here are some suggestions:

1. More than 62,000,000 Americans voted for you in the last election (the one that took place a year and half into a war we already knew we were losing). I am confident that at least a third of them would want to put their body where their vote was and sign up to volunteer. I know many of these people and, while we may disagree politically, I know that they don’t believe someone else should have to go and fight their fight for them — while they hide here in America.

2. Start a “Kill an Iraqi” Meet-Up group in cities across the country…

3. Send over all members of the mainstream media. After all, they were your collaborators in bringing us this war — and many of them are already trained from having been “embedded!” If that doesn’t bring the total to 28 million, then draft all viewers of the FOX News channel.

Mr. Bush, do not give up! Now is not the time to pull your punch! Don’t be a weenie by sending in a few over-tired troops. Get your people behind you and YOU lead them in like a true commander in chief! Leave no conservative behind! Full speed ahead!

We promise to write. Go get ‘em W!

Yours,

Michael Moore

Technically, this is a modified chickenhawk argument, cleverly expanded from the garden variety “why don’t you enlist” comeback that is usually applied on an individual basis, into a sort of  ”why don’t you enlist” human wave assault. It makes the same idiotic assumption that everyone else who doesn’t have a plan makes, which is that ”surge” is all about the number of troops, as opposed to what you do with the troops. Which is, hopefully, to kill bad Iraqis.  The other ones, we don’t want to kill. We want to save them.

Here’s the clever part. Moore seems to be suggesting satirically that it is George Bush’s policy to kill all Iraqis, among other people.  It gets a little confusing, because Michael Moore made stuff up in his movie on George Bush’s policies, Fahrenheit 9/11, that we were supposed to believe was fact, but which looked more like satire. Not particularly good satire, but more credible that way than as documentary.

It’s at least the second or third time he’s posted this “kill them all” idea on his site in one form or another. But he made the same movie three times and did pretty well at that, so it makes sense for him to stick with what he knows in this case as well.   

I guess the logical thing to do … seeing as I’ve already skipped logical step one, which would be to watch TV or something … is to draft a modified chickendove response.  Something like, “Hey Fatso. How about rounding up all 25 million of the people who saw your movie and taking them over there as human shields.  You’re good for at least four innocent Iraqis yourself, and your people could pretty much cover every single Iraqi and American soldier in the country.” 

Nah. That would be cruel, and pointless. Anyway, I admire him for coming up with a plan. Even if it is a stupid one.

Topics: Uncategorized

  Posted by Jules Crittenden at 12:33 am on Friday, January 26, 2007

8 Responses to “Dem Plan Is Here”

1. Purple Avenger Says:
   January 26th, 2007 at 4:24 am

   Hey - at least its a plan that doesn’t live at /dev/nul(that’s a UNIX’ism) like the rest of the dems non-plan plans..

   It would in fact “work” in the typically leftist ultra-high body count style too. I’m thinking he just copped a page from Uncle Joe’s suppression of dissent play book.

2. saltydog Says:
   January 26th, 2007 at 4:35 am

   You say that Michael Moore made up stuff in his movie about George Bush’s policies. That explains why he begins his diatribe with, “–Listen, can I be frank?” (Interesting grammar, too. I’m not sure he *can* be frank.)

   I wonder if he goes he go by the name of Margo Kingston in Australia. They both use that same breezy, chatty, homely style. The more serious the subject, the more frivolous the rhetorical method. Very sophisticated.

3. Cliff Clavin Says:
   January 26th, 2007 at 8:36 am

   Mich-al Moor….hmmmm. Wasn’t that a new balloon tethered with rope, in the Macy’s Parade last year? Only kidding, not enough personnel, could be found for that task.

   That’s the spirit Mikey…great plan, the Iraqi’s will welcome you being one of the 27 million, tramping around their country….Is it tramping OR tromping? Whatever. In this case, either would be correct.

4. The Thunder Run Says:
   January 26th, 2007 at 11:31 am

   Democratic Plan For Iraq

   Jules Crittenden is reporting that Michael Moore has come up with a plan for Iraq, however, I’m pretty sure as is Jules that Michael is putting forth his version of humor, and attempting to take the Chicken Hawk Arguement further.

5. RebeccaH Says:
   January 26th, 2007 at 12:12 pm

   Crittenden: The hot dog addict…

   Moore: Listen, can I be frank?

   Don’t be a weenie

   HAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!

6. CavMedic Says:
   January 26th, 2007 at 1:31 pm

   We hardly need 27 million Americans to kill every Iraqi. We just need to drop fat Mikey on them.

7. tsinger Says:
   January 27th, 2007 at 12:41 am

   I would be happy to take Mr. Moore’s lead and enlist….if they would let me use him for bayonet practice!!!!!

8. jamson64 Says:
   January 27th, 2007 at 3:15 pm

   The left uses the tired chickenhawk argument to stifle debate. We all have heard many Democrats and Liberals state that they supported this war and the Iraq war. In fact over 70 percent of Americans supported the Iraq war at its outset. Among those were millions of Democrats. I wonder if Moore calls on them to enlist. Most of us have also heard those on the left who love to say they supported the war in Afghanistan but not Iraq. Well at least not now. Are those on the left who supposedly supported our action in Afghanistan chickenhawks? Hmmm.

   Michael Moore is a blowhard who is devoid of rational thought. His actions embolden the enemy and cost lives.

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