The Injustice of It All
Some wag in Philadelphia … I’m going with spoof on this one … is having at the slavery reparations crowd with a big ad demanding reparations from the Brits for Americans and the rest of the denizens of the empire on which the sun never set.
As someone entirely of British descent, and as a first-generation American citizen, I’d be more than happy to profiteer on my ancestors’ oppression of … me. Seeing as my ancestors were oppressing my ancestors in Australia, too, I’d like to know if I can get another check for that.
But I don’t want to stop with reparations from the British for all the injustices my ancestors inflicted on … me. And each other. I also want to be compensated by the French. Norman invasion. I’d still be happily grunting away in bastardized German if it wasn’t for them. The Germans, too, while we’re at it, for sending my Saxon ancestors to get all Saxon all over my ancient Brit ancestors. Also, the Italians. The Roman legions and the indignities of civilization they imposed on my people. I’d still be living in a mud hole in the ground and worshipping many gods if it wasn’t for them. I think I’ll give the Danes and the Norwegians a pass. I’m glad the Vikings raped my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandmother. Vastly improved the gene pool.
Speaking of the French, it was their lords who were lording it over my people for the last 941 years, so I think I’m going to dun them proportionately. OK, the Normans were actually third-generation Vikings, but the highborn twits who inherited from them really had more in common with the actual froggy Frogs. You think real Frenchmen could manage an invasion of England? Ha! Anyway, the French like to claim the Normans, so they can pay their bill.
While I’m on the subject, I’ll need to dun them extra for running out some Huguenot ancestors about 400 years ago. Though that was actually a favor. They stopped being French and became Englishmen. This is starting to add up. I’ll need a pencil and a piece of paper to work out the French tab.
Meanwhile, I think its time we gave downtown Boston back to my good friend Corndog, from whose Loyalist ancestors it was confiscated in 1776. What’s good enough for the poor and oppressed should be good enough for the well-off and overprivileged. Justice all around.
As for the rest of the former British empire, they are definitely owed big time. But if the Brits have to give back all the money, then the Indians, etc., are going to have to give back all their education and justice systems, parliamentary form of government, cricket, driving on the right hand side of the road, English, Benny Hill salutes, all that stuff. The Brits are going to have to give back all the curry shops and all the … Indians. Paks, too. No more stupid history.
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Posted by Jules Crittenden at 11:01 pm Comments (2) on Friday, January 26, 2007
2 Responses to “The Injustice of It All”
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January 27th, 2007 at 12:45 am
This could get very complicated.
January 27th, 2007 at 10:01 am
Mr. H and I are having an argument. As my ancestors came to this country back in 1690, or some such date (and at least one of them was here already), and some of them were, regrettably, slave owners, I can reasonably be expected to owe reparations. However, Mr. H’s relatives were all cabbage-pickers in Europe up until the early 1900s, so he doesn’t feel he owes anybody anything (but he is German/English). So far, the checking and savings accounts are untouchable (he stands guard over them like an English bulldog). The best I can get out of him is giving away some of our early Army thrift shop furniture that we don’t want anymore. What’s a goodhearted socialista to do? Oh, wait. That’s not me.