Nobel Piece Prize
What global warming has to do with peace is beyond me. Let me guess. Us hill dwellers won’t have to do battle with the beach dwellers over real estate. Thanks to Al Gore.
But what effect Al Gore has had on the issue, also beyond me. His faux-science laden movie will not make the Earth cooler.* My vote goes to Michael Moore, whose gross cinematic distortion also contributed zip to the cause of peace, but at least had to do with war, and was watched by a lot more people. Moore, as a complete charlatan, is more in keeping with the spirit of the prize. Well, so is Gore, but again, off topic …
The Nobel Peace Prize has long been a Piece of Crap … ever since they gave it to Palestinian terrorist Yasser Arafat. In 2006, a deserved nod to Mohammad Yunis for his program of third-world starter loans for goatherds and seamstresses. Helping the dirt-poor and downtrodden help themselves is an extremely useful function. I liked that one.
But the year before, Mohammad el Baradei and the IAEA for their nuclear disarmament work?
Where the hell is my Pulitzer, anyway? If those guys get Nobels I should get a Pulitzer. Hey, I earned it.
The citation on Jimmy Carter’s peace prize is a little vague. Did he get it for the one useful thing he did in his presidency, which was give Egypt and Israel some place to hang so they could talk business? Egypt had pretty much figured out on its own it wasn’t going to push Israel into the sea, and that doing business with the Zionists made more sense than getting its Egyptian ass kicked by them every five or six years. Did he get it for watching elections? The house building thing? I’m not getting a peace vibe off that, but whatever.
He does have a talent for showing up at the right place at the right time, the 1976 election and the Sadat-Begin peace accord being the prime examples. Jimmy’s peace record on tougher assignments, not so good. There’s his bungling of the Iranian hostage crisis, and his impotent snit over the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan, two failures for which we are paying dearly now … each by itself sufficient cause to ask for that prize back.
Work your way down the list. Kofi Annan and the UN peacekeeping forces each get one. No comment.
There are a few worthies there. Boutique cases. Aung San Suu Kyi. No effect on Burma whatsoever, maybe a dim ray of hope because they haven’t executed her. But has engaged in brave defiance. OK. Mandela and DeKlerk, two brave men. South Africa turned into a crime-ridden corrupt basketcase that is driving out all the people who know how to run things and needs to be saved again, but they tried to do something good. OK. Mother Teresa. Helped out poor people in Calcutta. No Mother Teresa, less peace? I doubt it. Dalai Lama. Likes peace, emits feel-good vibes, has a shaved head and a nice smile. Accomplishes … nothing.
Mikhail Gorbachev and … just Mikhail Gorbachev. It’s almost like he ended the Soviet domination of Eastern Europe and cranked down the nuke threat all by himself.
A couple of predictions:
Next year, Hugo Chavez, for getting his rubberstamp National Assembly to give him dictatorial powers that will keep the loudmouth anti-Yanqui wealth-redistribution Revolution alive in Latin America after Castro has gone on to his Marxist reward. Also, for bravely standing on the floor of the United Nations, sniffing the sulfer, and making rude remarks.
In two years, John Kerry. He’s selflessly sacrificed his shot at the presidency in 2008 to devote all his attention to getting us out of Iraq, which is to say, he’s reclaimed the back bench everyone was unkindly shoving him toward. After voting to initiate the Iraq War, he noticed that it had become unpopular and that he wanted to be president, and took the highly principled stand of being against the Iraq War. Nancy Pelosi might edge him out on that score, however, because they don’t get to give that thing to women much.
In five years, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, for defying the Great Satan and the evil Chimpy McBushitler. For bringing Pax Irana to the Middle East while nipping at the heals of the Zionist entity. But maybe, and this is a bit of an outside shot, Moqtada al-Sadr, for his efforts to bring stability to Iraq.
In 10 years? Osama bin Laden. Because living in a cave and fighting oppression is way cool.
* Re Earth. It gets hot. It gets cold. This is what Earth does. No one knows why. Even the scientists who say its getting hot because of human activity, when pressed, have to admit it might be only heating up at a greater rate because of human activity, but even then, no one can really say for sure.
It’s hotter now than it’s been since the time of Jesus. What that means is, 2,000 years ago, the Earth was as hot as it is now. I’m blaming Iron Age farming practices and smelting for that New Testament uptick. Or maybe it was the righteous fire and burning passion of the age … have to go back and have another look at the ice cores. Might find some particles of faith.
By the 14th century, it was wicked cold. And I do mean wicked. Like, medieval cold. Even all those witch burnings had no effect. But not as cold as it was 10,000 years ago. We’re really only just starting to warm up from that. We have a long way to go before it is as warm as it was 66 million years ago, you know, Everglades in Montana warm.
All the time in between, I’m fuzzy on the temps. But I’m going to take a wild guess. Warm, cold, warm, cold, warm, cold. You have a water view? Look out. It might come through your picture window. Never know. Things happen. Wouldn’t be the first time.
They’re releasing a report in the next few days that will say they’re pretty sure it is human activity. This is supposed to spur us into action. Fine. I hope the governments of the world and the United Nations have a good time sorting it out and spending our money. My own answer? V-8 engines. Let’s burn all that stuff up, put the Middle East out of business, and develop some decent hydrogen burning or charge-up wheels we can run off all the windmills in Nantucket Sound, in the middle of Ted Kennedy’s picture window. Speaking of which … you may want to get some waterwings, Ted. That place of yours used to be underwater, you know. Before a big glacier shoved it down from Nova Scotia.
There’s also the issue of extinctions, another key handwringing point closely closely related to global warming angst. A lot of this is undeniably related to human activity. Sort of like the disappearance of megafauna from North America. Turns out those woolly mammoths didn’t just kill themselves. Apparently proto-Noble Savages had a hand in it. Later on, Europeans terraformed the landscape from the Urals to the other side of the Sierra Nevada. More species faced with critical adaptation issues. As long as we’re saving the world, we may want to kill 90 percent of ourselves off and head for the caves. Get one with nature again. Unless, you figure, human activity is part of nature.
After all, we came up from skittering ground shrews. Good thing the dinosaurs all croaked. Big career opportunity for us little crunchies. I don’t know about you, but I’m glad the Thunder Lizards are gone and I’m not crazy about some of the holdouts. Crocs topping that list.
Don Surber: Yea, verily man shall pay for his sins and penguins will march through the Sahara, or something like that.
AP hails UN’s “very likely” report here:
The scientists said the changes are “very likely” caused by human activity, a phrase that translates to a more than 90 percent certainty that global warming is caused by man’s burning of fossil fuels. That was the strongest conclusion to date, making it nearly impossible to say natural forces are to blame.
Well, there you have it. OK, I’ll be going back to the cave now to continue my eco-friendly lifestyle, especially since the forecast calls for the sky to fall. I’ve got some cave paintings I need to get back to. Need to chip a couple new Clovis points for the big mammoth hunt. We’re planning on running the mofos off a cliff, if we can get a big brush fire going in the right direction. But if that doesn’t work we may need to just single out a weak one and poke it to death. I dunno. Hey Wilma! You got those rawhide thongs chewed!?!
Topics: warmalism
Posted by Jules Crittenden at 1:14 am on Friday, February 2, 2007
11 Responses to “Nobel Piece Prize”
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February 2nd, 2007 at 1:53 am
See a tongue-in-cheek visual recounting Al Gore’s recent successes and the possibility of a more “lofty” goal…here:
http://www.thoughttheater.com
February 2nd, 2007 at 1:55 am
Perhaps there is a special category, a sorta booby prize for failed and embittered politicians who’ve been rejected by the American voter.
I think that all the politicians and Rousseau followers who seek to achieve their wish to end the Industrial Revolution–which is what they’ve been after since its inception–ought to commit collective suicide, thereby immediately lowering the CO2 emissions made by man by prodigious levels. More than killing all the farting cattle, even.
February 2nd, 2007 at 3:08 am
Ok, Critt, here’s the deal. This is how the globAl Goreming thing works toward peace.
It’s all about the Polar Bear Defense Line. You see? That is all that stands between us civilizationized folk and the dreaded Alliance of Arctic Sea Mammals.
If the Polar Bear Defense Line is breached, then the arctic sea mammals will be able to invade and conquer the coastal areas all across the world.
The chaos would be enormous, economies, both local and global, would suffer. Civilian populations would be displaced and forced to migrate inland.
And worser than all that, there’d be a massively negative impact on choices for summer vacation spots.
February 2nd, 2007 at 3:40 am
Heh, check this out.
The Japanese found a monster plateau in the Indian ocean formed from lava (that’s still coming out). I rough calculated about 3 cubic miles worth based on their figures of its size.
Lava typically emerges somewhere in the range of 1800-2000 degrees Fahrenheit.
I’ve been trying to calculate how much energy is/was in that thing, but all I keep getting out of the online calculators are NaN’s (i.e. the number was frigging huge and blew out their floating point maximums ;->)
February 2nd, 2007 at 9:25 am
[...] UPDATE: Jules Crittenden on that Nobel for Al Gore. [...]
February 2nd, 2007 at 10:12 am
The zombietruppen of the Goremacht march on! Before long, no doubt, as Oberwarmenfuehrer Gore continues to line up the Hollywood types behind his cause, we’ll be subjected to the glitzkrieg. Reisistance is futile, I tell you!
February 2nd, 2007 at 10:30 am
[...] Jules Crittenden takes a particularly incredulous and skeptical look at Big Al’s nomination: What global warming has to do with peace is beyond me. Let me guess. Us hill dwellers won’t have to do battle with the beach dwellers over real estate. Thanks to Al Gore. [...]
February 2nd, 2007 at 11:14 am
Al Gore nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize?…Dynamite.
Understand Al is in the running for an Oscar, too. This one, I don’t understand, I mean, he and Tipper already have kids. Why does he need an Oscar?
Speaking of Tipper. How does one get a name like that?
February 2nd, 2007 at 12:42 pm
GLOBAL WARMING IS BECOMING MORE CONTROVERSIAL, NOT LESS
Look, look, up at the sky! Do you see that? And that? The sky, the sky, it’s on fire! It’s burning, and can you see how it’s spreading? Look over there – those — over there, they look like clouds, but if you look closely, they’re not, they’re on fire! More and more of the sky is changing into fire! Everyone is looking up, and they see the same thing! It’s on fire, it’s burning, and it’s going to kill us all! I can feel the heat, it’s getting hotter and hotter, and we’re all going to die…Ohh, my God, we’re all going to die!
The key problem for global warming theories is that the sea level has not risen much in the last 150 years. A small rise may have occurred, but this may be attributable to the “tail end” of the last ice age. If sea level rises much more, we may be able to ascertain what, exactly, is going on. If sea level declines, then theories of human-caused global warming will probably be relegated to the dust-bin of history.
If a long trend of global warming is occurring, there are two ways it could be related to humans. First, humans might be causing the warming. Second, global warming might be causing the humans. That is, most land mass is in the Northern hemisphere, where warming would increase and improve arable land, growing seasons, crop yields, and available water supplies. We know that global warming was beneficial to humans when the last ice age began retreating, but we do not know if these benefits have stopped. World population is increasing, but GDP per capita is also increasing rapidly, which probably causes more energy use per person. In this way, global warming could CAUSE the CO2 in the atmosphere to rise, instead of CO2 causing global warming. CO2 is not the most important greenhouse gas– –water vapour is. CO2 levels may or may not be causing global warming, and global warming may have stopped in 1998.
The entire warming debate is based upon conjecture until any sea level changes can be clearly attributed to human activity. Science has not yet clarified this key issue.
February 2nd, 2007 at 8:21 pm
Of course it’s all about generating publicity for the Nobel Prize (TM).
With the looming headline “UN Confirms Global Warming Caused by Man” (I personally am looking forward to the conference on Continental Drift so species can get the rap for that one too!), I can’t help but think of another factor at play: Celebrity and the Climatologist.
Two or three decades ago, entering the discipline of climatology likely meant that you where lacking in what Adam Sandler’s mom in the comedy, The Waterboy, called “…the social skills”. Fast forward a couple of decades and you’ve gone from Julius Kelp to Buddy Love, the sexy-groovy guest of honour to an ever growing number of UN climate change symposiums, workshops and conferences. Suddenly your dandruff and halitosis has dissapeared, and that hot women from the conference secretriate is looking right at you! Heck, if you are a climatologist with more than 10 years of experience and can’t fill your dance card with a conference once a month, you are determined to stay a virgin. Of course, the price of admissionis simply to be on the “correct” side of of the issue, but that goes without saying. Silly me.
Climatologists are now the rising stars of the Environmental Movement, replacing, dare I say it, The Environmentalists. While the environmental priests can now only interpret climate doctrine, the climatology papacy can issue the Bulls.
February 3rd, 2007 at 12:20 pm
[...] Jules Crittenden thinks he knows the answer: It gets hot. It gets cold. This is what Earth does. No one knows why. Even the scientists who say its getting hot because of human activity, when pressed, have to admit it might be only heating up at a greater rate because of human activity, but even then, no one can really say for sure. [...]