Cave 321-B, North Waziristan
Farouk:
Achmed, have you seen this? On the filthy Zionist site of the Web that is called MEMRI. Instructions for the Jihad of American blogosphere!
Achmed:
Let me see this. What does it say?
Farouk:
I shall read … ahem …
”There is no doubt, my brothers, that raiding American forums is among the most important means of obtaining victory in the fierce media war… and of influencing the views of the weak-minded American who pays his taxes so they will go to the infidel American army. This American is an idiot and does not know where Iraq is… ”
Achmed:
Yes, well, we know that the average American is a weak-minded idiot with too much money, it is true.
Farouk:
“It is better that you raid non-political forums such as music forums and trivia forums… which American people… favor… Define your target … and get to know it well… Post your contribution and do not get into… futile arguments…”
I like the music forums, Achmed! Do you think Ali will allow us to do this? I would enjoy the downloading of many iTunes! Also, on the MySpace, many young women with photos of their nose rings! It is exciting!
Achmed:
Don’t let Ali hear you talk like that! Jihad is very serious, you donkey! Tell me what else it says.
Farouk:
“Obviously, you have to register yourself using a purely American name… Choose an icon that indicates that you are an American, and place it next to your nickname.”
I would like to use the name “Rambo,” Achmed. This is a very good American name. I have seen it in many American films. Bang bang! He always wins and women want to sexy with him!
Achmed:
Yes, I have seen the Rambo films, too. Now be quiet, you goat, and continue to read.
Farouk:
“You should correspond with visitors to this forum … You should invent stories about American soldiers you have personally known (as classmates… or members in a club who played baseball and tennis with you) who were drafted to Iraq and then committed suicide while in service by hanging or shooting themselves…”
I don’t think the girls of MySpace will find this attractive, Achmed. It will be the greatest bummer to them. I would rather discuss with them the rap music and then to inquire if they are bitches or hoes! Also, if it is possible to become funky.
Achmed:
No funky, Farouk! What else?
Farouk:
“… write using a sad tone, and tell them that you feel sorry for your neighbor or co-worker who became addicted to alcohol or drugs… because her poor fiancé, a former soldier in Iraq, was paralyzed or his legs were amputated… break their spirits, oh brave fighter for the sake of God…”
Achmed:
This idea is of great brilliance! With many sad stories of alcohol addiction and amputation shall we spread so many seeds to defeatism among the hated Crusaders! The electronic Jihad will be a bridge to the 15th century!
Farouk, using a sad tone:
But Achmed, this is not the American Web scene of which I have dreamed!
Ali:
What are dung are you two beetles rolling around. Oh. I see you’ve already found these marvelous instructions for the cyber Mujahideen, which will help us obtain victory in the fierce media wars!
First, we need purely American names. You, Achmed will be … let me see. George Clooney! This is a pure American name. I have seen it in films. And you, Farouk … hmmm … I have it! Poindexter. Purely American. I have heard of it in the infidel music of black people. It will not raise suspicions. I shall be … Rambo. It is an American name of the movies.
Achmed:
George Clooney? But …
Farouk:
I wanted to be Rambo!
Ali:
Don’t be silly! That is my name. Poindexter for you is a magnificent name! Very strong. Now Achmed, I mean George Clooney, I would like you to locate some very happening forums of American music. Also the trivia forums. We shall conduct raids on them! From you, Poindexter, I shall require some stories. They must begin thusly. “My neighbor is very sad because of Iraq and drinks too much of the devil water … ” or perhaps, “One of the fellows on my baseball club was drafted to Iraq …”
Infidel’s note: Asalaamu aleikum Tribe of al-Blair! If you like righteous jihadis Farouk, Achmed and Ali, you’re going to love those pork-eating crusader dogs Baxter and Smitty.
Topics: Al Stooges of Three
Posted by Jules Crittenden at 2:48 am on Tuesday, March 20, 2007
9 Responses to “Cave 321-B, North Waziristan”
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March 20th, 2007 at 3:25 am
No Doubt, Moby Would Approve
Jules Crittenden checks in with the dark side of the high tech DIY-movement: Cave 321-B, North Waziristan. (For those who may not remember the budding pop stars of the dimly receding past of long, long ago, such as 2004, here’s…
March 20th, 2007 at 6:24 am
Yes….Clooney, Poindexter and Rambo, make their presence known. Hilarious.
March 20th, 2007 at 12:45 pm
Wait! We shall soon hear the voice of Veronica…I mean, Muqtada al-Sadr.
March 20th, 2007 at 2:09 pm
I thought al-Sadr was using “Sally.”
March 20th, 2007 at 2:17 pm
What’s a “trivia forum”?
You’d think it might not be such a good idea for your local jihadi to hang around websites devoted to the minutiae of American popular culture (though they get plenty of it on satellite TV). I can just see it: “I am very sad for the young soldier who lives down the street who was horribly wounded in Iraq, his name is Chachi, and also for his young wife-Joanie-who has started to drink heavily.”
March 20th, 2007 at 3:09 pm
salty
I thought al-Sadr was using “Sally.”
You could be correct, ya never know what’s under them robes. The beard could definitely be fake. In reality, Sadr could be Rosie O.
Cav
What’s a “trivia forum”?
One of them things, that ya’ use for a hot pot off the stove, before you put it on the table. Ya get a “trivia forum”.
March 20th, 2007 at 5:57 pm
Sons of scofulous camels! Do you not know that music and trivia are haram?!? On such sites will be catmeat, lying in wait for the virtuous sons of the ummah!
Um… Farouk? Achmed? Hello?
March 20th, 2007 at 8:06 pm
Well, CavMedic, they could also end up sounding like alphie, eh?
March 20th, 2007 at 8:57 pm
Beloved, I have in a story refered to my friend Jeff S who had his head decapitated and is now healing at Walter Reed amongst all of the microbes. He should be sent home to enjoy all of the southern Washington weather and welcome all of the mexican emmengrants. Be understanding that this is not a raid. I am a true Amerikan who is writing to you from Toronto. Salaam.