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An Inconvenient Nuisance

Laurie David is shocked that she can’t just go over to Our Dark Lord Rove’s table, start lecturing him over his rubber chicken about her Academy Award-winning pseudo-science, and find him not only uncowed, but unspeakably rude! 

That’s how Laurie and Sheryl Crow are telling it.  I’d like to know what they actually said when they got their courage up and went to face the Beast. And what he said back. But if we can’t know exactly what was said, we can employ the latest techniques in scientific guesswork, currently used by actual scientists who have determined the Earth is facing imminent dooooooooom, to create a close approximation of what was said. Let’s give it a whirl: 

Laurie David, hysterical: “Mr. Rove. You must listen to me. We’re all going to die! You’re killing us!”

LD, reasonable: “Mr. Rove.  I know you’re all evil and so forth. But can you be a good malevolent manipulator for a minute and listen to me?”

LD, pedantic: “Mr. Rove.  My name is Laurie David.  I’m sure you’re familiar with my Academy Award-winning documentary that features former Vice President Al Gore, whose election you stole. You’re not known for getting it, but I’d like to take a few minutes to belabor some of my favorite ‘Inconvenient Truths’ ”

(Sheryl Crow: ”Oh, that one was clever.”) 

LD, all truth-to-powery: “OK, Mr. Rove, it’s like this. You’re Power. I’m Truth … Inconvenient Truth … and we’re going to play a little game I call ‘Speaking Truth to Powah.’”

(SC: “You’re on a roll, girl.”)

We know, based on her cranky reaction to her failed bomb-throwing session, what she didn’t say:  “All I wanna do, Mr. Rove, is have some fun. I gotta feeling I’m not the only one.”

(SC: “Hey, that’s my line!”)

I’d also like to know what unspeakable rudeness Our Dark Lord Rove uttered. Application of the latest techniques in the pseudo-scientific docudramatic method has enabled me to create several close approximations:

ODLR, polite: “Excuse me, I’m eating.”

ODLR, direct: “No.”

ODLR, trying to change the subject: “Good Lord! Is that the Potomac pouring into the lobby?”

ODLR, one old boy to another: “All kidding aside, hon, you don’t actually believe that alarmist nonsense, do you?”

ODLR, trying to throw her off her game: “You have something stuck between your teeth, sugar. Here, let me get that.”

ODLR, just curious: “Tell me something, sweetheart. Were you aware when you agreed to let Al Gore to narrate this, that End Time pseudo-science sounds up to 70 percent less intelligent in a Gomer Pyle accent?”

We do know what Crow said. Typical multi-millionaire rockstar reax to someone who doesn’t, when told to jump, say “How high?”  Bit of a deviation from the usual “Do you know who I am?”

SC: “You work for me!”

We can deduce the pair of them were quite atwitter after their wild encounter with naked savagery. We know what they did next.  Exactly how they got there, well, more scientific guesswork can fill in that blank in a jiffy!

SC: Did you hear what the horrible man just said to us? 

LD: I’m going to post something at Daily Kos!

SC: Please, Laurie. Kos is so … common.  We’re going straight to Arianna!

UPDATES:

ODL MC Rove raps about the girlz in the hood.

Saving the Earth, one sheet at a time.

Coffee-snorters at VC. Now there’s a classy dame. Watch and learn, Crow and David.

Sounding up to 70 percent more intelligent with a Gomer Pyle accent, renowned geo-thermal scatologist Don Surber examines the Crow Droppings.

Uh oh. Talk about inconvenient truths!

Topics: warmalism

  Posted by Jules Crittenden at 2:04 am on Monday, April 23, 2007

16 Responses to “An Inconvenient Nuisance”

1. saltydog Says:
   April 23rd, 2007 at 2:56 am

   Just curious, but I wonder how the Mzzzzzz Crow and David react to people interrupting their meals or other private moments to complain about this or that. I’m sure they are forever polite and accommodating.

2. Terrye Says:
   April 23rd, 2007 at 6:48 am

   My guess is Rove told them to go bother someone else. Peddle it elsewhere. Eff off. etc.

   You work for me. I wonder what Al Gore would have said if his cleaning lady said that to him. Excuse me Mr. Vice President, but you work for me. Yeah right. Well if Sheryl Crow worked for me, I would fire her.

3. JammieWearingFool Says:
   April 23rd, 2007 at 7:26 am

   Crow wants us to wipe our ass with one square of TP. No wonder Rove wanted no part of her. These obnoxious brats were itching for a fight, and then they run to the HuffPo rag to blab all.

   Perhaps if ever see Mrs. David or Crow at a restaurant, I’ll interrupt their meal to give them a political lecture; let’s see how long that’ll be tolerated.

4. Robert Says:
   April 23rd, 2007 at 8:34 am

   Do I get a TP exemption for my piles?

5. corndog Says:
   April 23rd, 2007 at 9:42 am

   Darn crafy lefties, talking politics at a political dinner!

6. Purple Avenger Says:
   April 23rd, 2007 at 9:58 am

   “Do you know who I am?

   A: You’re the frothing crazy drooling into my linguine right now. Would you like a bite?

7. Bob Krumm » Seriously people, you embarrass yourselves Says:
   April 23rd, 2007 at 10:03 am

   [...] OTHERS: Don Surber Real Clear Politics Jules Crittenden [...]

8. RebeccaH Says:
   April 23rd, 2007 at 10:39 am

   Crow and David come across as two giddy, clueless schoolgirls who didn’t pay sufficient attention when Great Aunt Melinda was trying to teach them manners. I love it when lefties try to dish it out and then get all teary-eyed when it gets handed back to them.

9. Behave Karl, Behave | The Moderate Voice Says:
   April 23rd, 2007 at 10:59 am

   [...] tells me Jules is not a big fan of either Laurie David or Sheryl Crow. Have to say, quite a funny [...]

10. The Thunder Run Says:
    April 23rd, 2007 at 11:12 am

    Web Reconnaissance for 04/23/2007

    A short recon of what’s out there that might draw your attention.

11. Sister Toldjah Says:
    April 23rd, 2007 at 11:27 am

    The impromptu ‘global warming’ debate: David, Crow versus Rove (UPDATE: CROW SUGGESTS RE-USING OF TOILET PAPER)

    Tom Bevan at Real Clear Politics has a summary of what happened this weekend at the WH Correspondents dinner, where singers Laurie David and Sheryl Crow - global warming alarmists currently on a two week college tour to promote fear of an environmental…

12. Sensible Mom Says:
    April 23rd, 2007 at 12:12 pm

    A Square To Spare?

    This would have been a great Seinfeld episode piggy-backed on the episode where Jerry’s girlfriend wouldn’t spare a square for Elaine.

13. The Nose On Your Face » Blog Archive » E-Crowli Outbreak Mars White House Correspondents Dinner Says:
    April 23rd, 2007 at 3:22 pm

    [...] particularly virulent strain of the e-crowli virus caused many in attendance at the annual White House Correspondents Dinner to fall ill this [...]

14. What David, Crow, and Rove Might Have Said » The American Mind Says:
    April 23rd, 2007 at 4:01 pm

    [...] Inconvenient Nuisance“ Save and Share: These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and [...]

15. The Democratic Daily Says:
    April 23rd, 2007 at 4:21 pm

    On A Global Warming ‘Mission’

    Yesterday, Sheryl Crow and Laurie David just finished off a 12-campus tour on a biodiesel bus to raise awareness about global warming by engaging college students on the topic. The tour started earlier this month at Southern Methodist University in Da…

16. El Cid Says:
    April 23rd, 2007 at 7:03 pm

    Gee, on one hand, I hope Sheryl takes her fake fingernails before her one sheet ass wipe. On the other, Sheryl may just love it.

    Ummm, Sheryl dear, don’t forget, left hand only.

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