Gorah’s Ark
Greenpeace is building it on Mount Ararat.* No word on whether Greenpeace got the word straight from God or from the Prophet Gore. But its important to get the dimensions right. 300 x 50 cubits, three decks. Updated with a reinforced concrete roof, because the sky is falling, with tinfoil lining to prevent mind control. Will need to negotiate with PETA on the big two-by-two roundup. Better to start with that sooner rather than later. Agree to let them send along some naked models to monitor animal welfare.
Anyway, it’s all laid out in Genesis.
* Somewhat bass-ackwards approach may bode ill for the effort: You’re supposed to end up on Ararat, not start there.
Topics: warmalism
Posted by Jules Crittenden at 8:17 am Comments (13) on Wednesday, May 16, 2007
13 Responses to “Gorah’s Ark”
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May 16th, 2007 at 10:07 am
What do you want to bet they’re using power tools? The naked models should take special care of the belt sanders. They could leave a mark.
Bloodthirsty Liberal
May 16th, 2007 at 10:08 am
And like any good project manager, God is going to be a little irritated that the crew went ahead without the signed contract.
May 16th, 2007 at 11:15 am
If they are only making a statement then they should just buy the 1/5th scale version that a guy from the Netherlands has already made. Would save the extra trees from being cut down, the greenhouse gases from being emitted, the gas coming out of their mouths from being spewed and so on.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/4853890.stm
May 16th, 2007 at 1:22 pm
What I really want to know is, did they make it out of gopherwood and pitch. Because, you know, it’s not really authentic, if they didn’t.
May 16th, 2007 at 1:56 pm
Shorter Crit: “Greenpeace is doing a publicity stunt to get attention, and I’m going to help them out. Now, where are my Birkenstocks?”
May 16th, 2007 at 2:08 pm
Shorter corndog: “Want to borrow my Birkenstocks, Jules?”
May 16th, 2007 at 3:23 pm
Though they do like riding in boats, navigating them has never been their forte. Building the ark at it’s destination is a wise decision.
May 16th, 2007 at 3:32 pm
The silliness just never ends. These people disparately need real jobs, where they are expected to actually produce something of value.
May 16th, 2007 at 3:59 pm
You say that like you think a 300-cubit-long boat and a major biomass of exotic paired livestock on a mountainside in Turkey won’t come in handy.
May 16th, 2007 at 4:23 pm
Such a boat would come in handy only if it has a pool and a wetbar, Jules. And a 24 hour buffet would be great as well.
May 16th, 2007 at 4:43 pm
We could call it TurkeyWorld, the biggest petting zoo on the planet. The pool and wetbar would be a plus, of course. But there should be animal characters in cartoony costumes to give it more oomph.
Oh, say. Didn’t somebody already do that?
Should we conclude that these people are promoting Bible stories?
May 17th, 2007 at 3:05 pm
[...] call on world leaders to take action to tackle climate change, Greenpeace said. Jules Crittenden says: No word on whether Greenpeace got the word straight from God or from the Prophet Gore. But its [...]
May 17th, 2007 at 4:32 pm
[...] Also, Greenpeace is going to be building an ark on Mt. Ararat. [...]