Eyes Out Now!
Bullet-splattered House No. 632, N. Bin Laden St., Unoccupied Baquba, Iraq.
Farouk:
Look what I have seen here, Achmed, on the website of the Herald of Boston. Sheik al-Zawahri calls upon Allah the Merciful to pluck the eyes out of those who do not embrace jihad! Is it not wonderful news?
RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT!!!
Achmed:
That was close! Allah should pluck the eyes of those who do not embrace jihad. I am tired of doing all the jihad-embracing around here!
Farouk:
Do you think Allah will truly pluck the eyes of Muslims who do not embrace jihad?
Achmed:
It is a figure of speech, Farouk. Allah is too busy to go around plucking out every single eyeball that offends Him. Especially with all these filthy Crusaders running around the place! Incoming, by the Beard of the Prophet!!!
KABOOM!
Farouk:
I don’t know about Allah, but that infidel rocket almost popped my eyes out! Ha ha! Now, Achmed, I must know. If Allah is all powerful, how is it that only a few hundred thousand Crusaders can distract him so much that he cannot pluck the eyes of a few hundred millions of insufficiently devout Muslims?
Achmed, irritated:
Farouk, kindly stop badgering me with these silly questions. Can’t you see I am busy trying to send these alcohol-swilling idol worshippers to Shaitan? Now be quiet. I see one.
CRACK!
… Zarba! It is one of the dummies they use to draw our fire! May Allah pluck their eyes out quickly before they zero in on us!!!
Farouk:
Well, that is an interesting point you raise, Achmed. Why is it that Sheik al-Zawahri, in his wisdom, should call upon Allah to pluck out the eyes of so many millions of Muslims, when a few judicious eye-pluckings of infidels might be more effective … at a time like this, for example!
KABOOM!
Well, my eyes are still in, but I believe that one loosened several teeth! Now Achmed …
Achmed:
For the love of Allah, Farouk, can you not shut your kebab hole and pick up your rocket? They are coming now!
Farouk:
This is a very important point, Achmed. What if no eyes are plucked as al-Zawahri has threatened? Does this not diminish the credibility of al-Qaeda?
Achmed:
Yes, yes, it diminishes the credibility of al-Qaeda! Are you happy? Now …
KABOOM!
KABOOM!
KABOOM!
… Aiiieeeee, my eyes, I can’t see! Look, please, Farouk, have they been plucked out? I swear I have embraced jihad! I have given my life to jihad! Am I not righteous?
Farouk:
Ha ha ha!!! You are so silly. It is a burqa from the women’s quarters upstairs that has fallen on your head when the Crusader rockets struck! Ha ha ha! The burqa becomes you! Ha ha ha!!! Now, Achmed …
KABOOM!
… I am very concerned about the street cred of al-Qaeda …
KABOOM!
KABOOM!
… you know, upon the Arab street. What of those apostates in Anbar and even here in Baquba who point out our positions to the infidels? Why do they still have eyes?
KABOOM!
… This is so interesting, Achmed. I am thinking. If Allah did pluck the eyes of Muslims who have not embraced jihad, how many Muslims would still have eyes?
KABOOM!
… Ouchie!! That one scorched my eyebrows! But look at this, Achmed. This article here omits mention of the righteous eye-plucking. Is the plucking of eyes by Allah not the money quote? I will never understand these infidels!
(Asalaamu aleikum, Netscapiyah! A thousand welcomes, catmeat swine of Tim Blair al-Straliyah; those of the Footballs that are Small and Green; those from the Village of Mud, all of these places! Did you see ibn al-Gore is smoking khif and driving very fast in a silly car! We would just flog him or maybe cut his head off, but see how the godless infidels bicker over whether even to speak of it! And have you seen how we have made those filthy Zionists afraid even of doctors! But wait, look how the Ameriki enslave people of brown colors to die in their wars! Oh, do you remember the time of this Emir of the Ameriki, al-Clinton? We had an understanding, a little bomb here, a little cruise missile there. But who is this Zionist who now counsels crusade against our Persian brothers, may Shaitan take them!)
Farouk, as the dust settles:
Achmed. Achmed, please come out of that rubble. Look here upon my laptop. It is Shakeel Bhat! Surely you remember our jihadi brother of Kashmir! He is famous and respected in the West! They call him Islamic Rage Boy! Surely he must fill them with terror at the righteous might of Islam!
Previously:
Pork-Gobbling Crusader Dog Starts Blogging
Topics: Al Stooges of Three
Posted by Jules Crittenden at 9:39 am on Thursday, July 5, 2007
6 Responses to “Eyes Out Now!”
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July 5th, 2007 at 11:25 am
I like this site because Jules is so plucky.
July 5th, 2007 at 12:45 pm
This started me to thinking about that Arab dish where they serve pickled goats’ eyes on a bed of tabouli, and suddenly I got very queasy.
July 5th, 2007 at 1:18 pm
Eye spy with my little….., damn ! Oh well. Three Blind Mice see how they run or they would if the suicide bomb wasn’t so bloody heavy!
Jules you need to have a contest for the best Islamic Nursery rhyme.
July 5th, 2007 at 11:17 pm
“Sheik al-Zawahri”
What the hell? We haven’t flushed this turd yet?
Let’s toss a couple of nukes up into the Hindu Kush and see what tumbles out.
July 6th, 2007 at 1:37 am
Hey diddle diddle the cat and the fiddle,
the jihadi jumped over the moon,
the little dog laughed to see such a sight,
as the jihadi came down and went boom.
Well I may have flunked literature but I aced digital logic.
July 6th, 2007 at 7:19 am
Anon posted this on my site.
Khaled Ahmed kneels on the Mosque’s dusty floor
His thoughts full of waging Allah’s holy war
Hush hush wherever you are,
Khaled Ahmed has a bomb in his car.
God bless Jihad. I know that’s right.
Wasn’t it fun at the airport to-night?
The cold’s not so cold, and the flames quite hot.
Oh! God bless Osama - I quite forgot.
If I open my fingers a little bit more,
I can see the Jeep burning there by the door.
It’s a beautiful green, but it hasn’t a hood.
Oh! God bless Jihad and make it good.
My burns are bandaged as I lie in bed,
I’m tightly bandaged right over my head,
And I shut my eyes, and I curl up small,
The Police may not know that I’m there at all.
Oh! Thank you, Allah, for a lovely day.
And what was the other I had to say?
I said “Bless Osama,” so what can it be?
Oh! Now I remember it. God bless Me.
Khaled Ahmed kneels on the Mosque’s dusty floor
His thoughts full of waging Allah’s holy war
Hush hush wherever you are,
Khaled Ahmed has a bomb in his car.
With apologies to A A Milne