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Pelosi Pageturner

In the offing. Seems a little early for that.  Yeah, there’s the 60-odd years of blah blah blah that no one cares about. Then, there’s six months abject failure in her historic role as our nation’s first woman Speaker. 

My first hard lesson in leadership came when I tried to push an extremist nutjob who happened to be a close friend and ally into the Number Two job. Regrettably, he had alarmed and annoyed too many other members of the House, and that turned into a bit of a Number Two storm. Long story short, my first political tussle in my historic role as our nation’s first woman Speaker involved being bitch-slapped by a man, an unpleasant experience that regrettably has been repeated several times since. This job involves a good deal of politics. There’s no getting around it. Live and learn.

OK, that’s not a real sneak preview. I made that up.  But I believe it could be a close approximation of what her ghost writer is scribbling at this very moment.  Let’s sneak another peak:

Because I had a mandate to lead America out of the wilderness in which the nation under George Bush had become hopelessly lost, I pushed real hard for the hardest-hitting, uncompromising non-binding anti-war resolution I could satisfy everyone with.  

Well, she didn’t write that either, but she isn’t writing the actual book, so what difference does it make?

The president had refused to speak with various parties that have a lot to say about what happens in Iraq. Given my mandate from the American people, I decided to do it myself.  I stopped by Israel on the way to Syria, and picked up a peace message to pass along while I was there.  At least, I thought I did.  Foreign policy can be very complicated! Mr. Assad is very pleasant by the way and I felt like I really understood the Arab people after I had the opportunity to walk through a marketplace and wear a scarf on my head.  I did that because I want to understand how women are oppressed in some multi-cultural societies just as they are in America, by the way, not to suck up.

No, she didn’t write that either.  I did. I admit it. I did it to mock her.  I am mystified about why she is doing this at this time.  She’s barely arrived, accomplished nothing beyond her own humiliation. That war is still going on, despite her mandate from the American people.  She must have figured, with September looming, that she’ll finally be able to force a capitulation, and have her scribbler knock out a crowing tome quick before all the troops are out of Iraq and the genocide kicks off.

But public sentiments, like wars and politics, can turn around fast. Doubleday must not have seen this:  Congress numbers in a downward spril, Bush numbers climbing.  This doesn’t have to be a problem. Books are all about marketing.  Let me suggest a title for Pelosi’s. “The Bush Comeback: How I helped George Win in Iraq.”

Topics: pols

  Posted by Jules Crittenden at 12:42 am on Saturday, July 21, 2007

25 Responses to “Pelosi Pageturner”

1. alphie Says:
   July 21st, 2007 at 1:32 am

   Looks like an extreme case of PDS.

2. saltydog Says:
   July 21st, 2007 at 6:02 am

   She must have figured out that she kinda sorta needs to make hay while the sun shines. It’s good to know she has some grasp of her position–at least in this.

3. alphie Says:
   July 21st, 2007 at 6:30 am

   Beats sittin’ around praying for genocide after our troops are dragged home.

4. OldManTyme Says:
   July 21st, 2007 at 9:29 am

   Come on jihad boy. Get a grip for goodness sake. Pelosi obviously accepts genocide as politically expedient, but I hardly think that she actually sits around praying for it.

5. Don Surber » Blog Archive » Name Pelosi’s memoir Says:
   July 21st, 2007 at 9:53 am

   [...] Jules Crittenden has the title that may come true. [...]

6. tanstaafl Says:
   July 21st, 2007 at 10:40 am

   I think Nance doesn’t have the intellectual acumen to be a good leader.

   Or she might think she has to put forward some (crook) who has supported her for a prominent position in the House. Alcée Hastings ?

   The headscarf in Syria really sucked as did Diane Sawyer’s when she “got” the interview with Ahmadinejhad.

   While Diane was “covered”, Arachnidjihad got to wear his typical “western” leisure suit and have fun making a mockery of Diane’s questions

7. The_Real_JeffS Says:
   July 21st, 2007 at 10:44 am

   The truly frightening aspect of this is how close Pelosi is to being President. God help us all if that ever happens.

8. S. Weasel Says:
   July 21st, 2007 at 11:05 am

   Look, you’re missing the point. She’s a grandmother, for goodness sakes. Who doesn’t love grandmothers?

9. sarah rolph Says:
   July 21st, 2007 at 11:31 am

   No joke, Jeff, I had that thought yesterday, oddly enough, and it is chilling.

   This made me laugh very hard, Jules, thank you. You have captured the character of this childish, dim bulb in a way that is pitch-perfect.

10. blogagog Says:
    July 21st, 2007 at 12:14 pm

    Hate to complain, but… CAPITALIZE your name in your banner! It’s the English law. The only people allowed to ignore our capitalization laws involving proper nouns and pronouns are high school girls who think ‘nobody gets me’. They also get to ignore punctuation, but not us! (’Cept for using single quotes where double quotes are required. We’re all allowed to do that, by decree of Queen Victoria I think. Don’t quote me though.)

    Honesty time. I actually LOVE to complain, and am quite good at it. It’s the primary reason my wife is considering leaving.

11. Don Surber » Blog Archive » Reaganize them Says:
    July 21st, 2007 at 1:05 pm

    [...] Crittenden had a nice riff on the upcoming Nancy Pelosi memoir. He pointed out that her main accomplishment has been to make [...]

12. 4iraqisfuture Says:
    July 21st, 2007 at 2:03 pm

    tanstaafl–

    I think Pelosi has the acumen to be a good leader a far left special interest group in a very small town that annoys the city council with petty greviances.

    How she ever rose to this level of prominence I’ll never understand.

    But the more time she spends talking and “leading”, the more damage she does to her “cause”. Have at it Nancy.

    Great writing Jules. I laughed my ass off.

13. Unless You’re A Pimp Or Drug Addict Or Other Disfunctional Person…. « QC Examiner Says:
    July 21st, 2007 at 3:13 pm

    [...] Unless You’re A Pimp Or Drug Addict Or Other Disfunctional Person…. shouldn’t you at least wait until you have actually accomplished something before you issue your biography? [...]

14. alphie Says:
    July 21st, 2007 at 4:21 pm

    Oldman,

    After 4+ years and $650 billion, and all we’ve achieved in Iraq is a potential genocide?

    And you wonder why most Americans want to bring this sorry chapter of American foreign policy to a close?

    If you want to sway people to your side, may I suggest you don’t use the same logic as a hostage taker?

    Give us another $150 billion or the Iraqi people get it!

15. OldManTyme Says:
    July 21st, 2007 at 5:35 pm

    ‘After 4+ years and $650 billion, and all we’ve achieved in Iraq is a potential genocide?’

    No, wait, jeez, wait will ya. There isn’t going to be any genocide. That’s my position. No wait, that’s right, it’s only going to be against ALQ so there’s no worrys…no, wait, that’s right, they aren’t Iraqis…no, wait, Um, Ah…wait…I know…if there is any genocide, it’ll be the NEOCONS’ fault because the spent $650 billion…no, wait….

    ‘And you wonder why most Americans want to bring this sorry chapter of American foreign policy to a close?.

    Because you can tell that from the approval rating of congress because congress is…no, wait, Um, Ah, jeez, wait willya….most Americans WOULD approve of congress if they could just convince the republicans to help pass their surrender legislation and you can see that because every new approval rating shows….no, wait, that’s not it…no, wait…most Americans say they don’t approve of congress BECAUSE they can’t pass their surrender bill and you can tell it’s most Americns because Bush’s approval…no, wait…Um, Ah, most Americans…you see, Americans mostly…no, wait…where I come from approval ratings actually mean…Um, Ah…

    Hey, that aircraft carrier a couple of years back? Remember that? Ya, well, so do most Americans. So there!!!!

    Shriller and shriller, jihad boy. Making less and less sense as the narrative slip slip slips away. Better scurry jihad boy. Better hurry jihad boy. Don’t want to be the one who has to turn out the lights.

16. alphie Says:
    July 21st, 2007 at 5:47 pm

    4somepeoplsfuture,

    I don’t buy the war party’s genocide line.

    Niether do the people of Iraq.

    Just pointing out how moronic it is.

    If it weren’t for the imaginary genocide that will take place when we let the people of Iraq start running their own country…your boys have acheived exactly nothing.

    How pathetic is that?

17. OldManTyme Says:
    July 21st, 2007 at 6:05 pm

    ‘I don’t buy the war party’s genocide line…No matter what the experts including the Dem presidential hopefuls say.’

    ‘Niether do the people of Iraq….no matter what the Iraqi leadership says’

    ‘How pathetic is that?…because I AM the one with all the first hand experience at being pathetic.’

18. alphie Says:
    July 21st, 2007 at 6:43 pm

    “Iraqi leadership,” Oldman?

    Maliki recently said his government is ready to assume control of his country just as soon as the Republicans are ready to stop funneling billins of dollars a month in taxpayer money to their cronies.

    I’m afraid you guys stand alone in your claim of genocide.

    And everything else.

19. OldManTyme Says:
    July 21st, 2007 at 7:59 pm

    ‘Maliki recently said his government is ready to assume control of his country just as soon as the Republicans are ready to stop funneling billins of dollars a month in taxpayer money to their cronies.’

    Bold faced lie, jihad boy, bold faced lie.

    And you want to be careful what you quote in response because I read ALL of what Maliki said the same day he said it and I UNDERSTOOD it. There’s no room for misinterpretation. I don’t even have to go back and read it.

    See, jihad boy, I stay informed by assessing information in it’s entire and in the context it’s presented in. You on the other hand, march with the morons who are encouraged to only integrate the information the talking points require you to have. This is what’s known as being a useful fool.

    Um, Ah, wait, just wait a minute, no, see what Maliki really meant to say…no, wait…what AP and NYT said he said… no, wait…That aircraft carrier. Remember that? So there!!!!

    Lord what a clown you are. How many times can someone expose how limited his mentation is by gleefully touting facts that dismantles his own point? It’s a wonder you can even type.

20. alphie Says:
    July 21st, 2007 at 9:00 pm

    You mean you managed to twist in your mind what Maliki said so your worldview remains untouched by reality, Olman.

    He said we could go…why are we still there?

    The stalker mentality of the pro-war deadenders?

21. 4iraqisfuture Says:
    July 21st, 2007 at 9:39 pm

    “…your boys have achieved exactly nothing.

    How pathetic is that?”

    Tokyo Rose, 1943?

    No, it’s the Alphatard, 2007.

    Alphie, Founder of “young democrat cheerleaders for totalitarian Islam” was asked by Islamic radicals to stop representing them in conservative blogs for his nonexistent fact checking and tediously irrational and often muddled thinking. It appears he was giving Islamic Radicals a bad name, narrowing their appeal. They cannot afford that now.

    Rejected, dejected, he attempted to regain a position of sneering illogical annoyance in other blogs dedicated to a variety of subjects but it was not to be…

    After several days of not coming up for meals his mother became alarmed. He was found at his computer in his mother’s basement. His face was mashed into the keyboard and a puddle of his own fluids darkened the carpet below.

    As far as authorities can tell had a minor jihad related stroke. His cursor was at the end of his opus non-sequitar.

    He is recuperating at Trembling Hills and should be back to writing gibberish in no time.

22. Dave Surls Says:
    July 21st, 2007 at 10:05 pm

    “NEW YORK - House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, the California Democrat who this year became the first woman to hold the top spot in the House of Representatives, is writing a memoir…”

    Sounds like a surefire insomnia cure.

23. OldManTyme Says:
    July 21st, 2007 at 11:07 pm

    ‘You mean you managed to twist in your mind what Maliki said so your worldview remains untouched by reality…’

    Son of a gun!! CNN has the entire text of Maliki’s statement. Text and video!!!

    Like I said, I read the WHOLE thing. I KNOW what Maliki said in exactitude. ALL of what he said. The context. The reasons he gives for saying that Iraq can safeguard itself and the TIMELINE he gives for when that can be done and where he expresses his hope that the US will STAY IN IRAQ until that timeline plays out.

    WHOA!!! Son of a gun!!! That means Maliki is actually asking for patience from congress, not for the US to leave. He’s asking that congress not abandon Iraq UNTIL they can safeguard themselves.

    Wait a minute, jihad boy, I thought you said….

    What’s the matter jihad boy? Your handlers slap you around if you read beyond the AP headline and first paragraph to where AP has to quote the rest of the story? Makes sense…slapping you around that is. Useful fools are useful only for as long as they accept the narrative fed them by their handlers.

    There is a twist here, moron. It’s you twisting in the wind as the narrative shreds.

    Which is to say that your using Maliki’s statement to support your position reduces to your usual running headlong into a wall. Really, all you had to do was read the whole statement.

24. JM Hanes Says:
    July 22nd, 2007 at 12:32 am

    Pelosi Memoirs — guaranteed to redefine Hagiography.

25. Right Wing Nation Says:
    July 22nd, 2007 at 8:35 am

    [...] The Bush Comeback: How I helped George Win in Iraq. Date Posted: Sunday, July 22nd, 2007 by rightwingprof Categories: Wackjobs Trackback URI (right-click) [...]

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