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Global Warming for the Rich and Famous

As Klimate Kommissar of the imbecilariat, Al Gore carries a lot of weight. Er, I mean, he’s a man of substance. That is to say, he’s got a lot of ideas about how Joe Average and Rhonda Run-Of-The-Mill can do their bit to “Go Green” (and yes, I linked the site mainly because that’s a particularly comical picture of Big Al: “Who? Me? Savior of the planet? Gawrsh, Mickey, it ain’t nothin’ any other red-blooded, tree-huggin’, ex-vice presidential super-genius wouldn’t ‘a done! A-hyuk!”).

Anyway, the site includes some fine suggestions for us common folk. But what about the elite?

You know, the Hollywood intellectualoids in their sun-drenched, Beverley Hills celebrity terrariums. The K-Street lobbyists whose grease keeps the Washington gravy train running on time. For that matter, Al Gore himself. What steps can the gentry take to put a green sheen on their own carbon-choked lifestyle? Here are a few tips:

1) Pick one of the seven bathrooms in your house for each day of the week and only use that one. Flush once, at the end of the day.

2) When one of your pals in the “arrestocracy” – say, Paris Hilton or Linsey Lohan – gets busted for Driving While Inspired and calls you to help her make bail, ride your bicycle down to the police station.

3) Insist that your cocaine dealer deliver your purchases in biodegradable, rice paper bags.

4) Make quilts out of those old Ché t-shirts and give them to the help at Christmas. Far better than cash (face it: your servants would only wire the money to their aging parents in Mexico, anyway).

5) Invest in carbon credits. I suggest gilt-edged Perfectly Authentic Carbon Offsets from PACO Investments (Cayman Islands Branch). For a measly one thousand bucks, you can wallow in a lifetime of wanton, Gaia-gagging, CO2 excess, guilt free! Send payments c/o Jules’ tip jar.

Topics: impending doom!

  Posted by Paco at 12:43 am on Sunday, August 26, 2007

6 Responses to “Global Warming for the Rich and Famous”

1. Grimmy Says:
   August 26th, 2007 at 1:09 am

   Do you still have any Patented Automatic Carbon Optimizers in stock?

2. El Cid Says:
   August 26th, 2007 at 7:32 am

   Grimmy, you must mean….Polar Atmospheric Consistency Optimizers.

3. El Cid Says:
   August 26th, 2007 at 7:35 am

   Then again, we must honor our friend, who is Patently Artistic Considering Our….jesting.

4. Mr. Bingley Says:
   August 26th, 2007 at 10:08 am

   When one considers Pompous Al’s Carcinogenic Output as he gallavants abouts one must, well, chuckle, I suppose.

   Or gag.

5. RebeccaH Says:
   August 26th, 2007 at 10:55 am

   That picture of Al looks like he’s patting his chest after having an attack of the vapors. I wonder if there was a tear in his eye.

6. saltydog Says:
   August 26th, 2007 at 3:53 pm

   I, too thought he had a case of the vapors, and was now calling for the smelling salts–

   –after laughing himself senseless over the enormous number of suckers, Al-Gore did, indeed have a tear in his eye.

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