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Well hello and bonjour Mesdames et Messieurs.
To the best of my knowledge, I am the only French among the fine company assembled by our host. And therefore, I’m late to the party. Fashionably late, as Jules would put it.
That’s because I’m French. We always, always have to put on a show, and we just.can’t.stand not being the center of attention. It’s in the genes.
One way to make sure one can make one’s little effect is to arrive late at a trendy party like this one, where one is certain to make heads turn — and what heads! Have you seen the quality of the people Jules managed to gather around him? And the quality of his readership, that is to say you?
But enough talk about you. Let’s get back to me.
Another great way to gather an awful lot of attention is to tell Colin Powell that you will stand by his side, put on a fancy suit, a mushy pepper-and-salt coiffure over a carrot-powered tan, a phony French aristocrat name, then go to the UN and backstab the naïve Yankee with much grandiloquence and panache.
Now there’s a way to propel oneself to the center of the stage. I wish I’d have such an opportunity, although I suppose I would pull this out in the opposite direction. I would go to Mad Mahmoud, and assure him that I firmly believe in the Mullah’s right to muster the might of the Atom. Mahmoud would believe me, because I’m French and he knows the French are eager to provide just about every Middle Eastern satrap with as much uranium as one can hide from the IAEA under one’s jellaba.
Which is a lot, really.
Once at the UN, I would wave just about every arms I happen to have, roll a lot of my eyes very dramatically, and suddenly yell “France propose we pass U.N Resolution Let’s Nuke The Bastards!” to the general stupefaction (though when I say “us” I would really mean you, the Yanks. You know you don’t want to go deer hunting with an accordion anyway.)
And then, I’ll sing La Marseillaise. Yes, the French song that calls for foreigners’ “filthy blood to water our furrows“. Seems appropriate enough.
That would be so grandiloquent… But since I’m still waiting for Ban Ki-moon’s invitation, I’ll have to settle for this party at Jules’.
The man is pretty liberal (in the, err, generic, apolitical meaning) and only asked us, his guest bloggers, two things:
One, no pictures, which I find mildly annoying, not so much because I tend to make for my pompous clumsy English by posting fancy graphics myself, but because I spotted Theo Spark and hoped we could snatch a few extra totties. That’s another French trait, this much vaunted obsession for various entertaining fluid exchanges with the other sex.
It’s pretty much in the same line as the filthy bloody furrows however: much talk, far less action than we’d like the world to believe. It goes with the mushy coiffure I believe.
Anyway. I figure Jules realized that with Theo around, the cost of his wife finally knowing why he is spending all this time with us was more than he could afford. No pictures then.
Next, Jules said no libel. Now that’s a bit more annoying, since I had a few things to say about the All-American act Nicolas Sarkozy has been playing since his elections (hey, remember when I wrote how we French always have to put on a show? And how there’s much talk, and little action? C’mon, the latter was just a few sentences away.) but I rather fear I might cross the limits. We French can have a big mouth sometimes.
So I guess all I can do, is tell you that *bleep* is a *bleeping* *bleep*, and let you fill the *bleeps*. The great thing is that it works not just for Sarkozy, but for pretty much any *bleep* you can think of.
First DIY blog post ever. Vive la France and all that panache.
Topics: France
Posted by DissidentFrogman at 6:24 pm on Monday, August 27, 2007
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August 27th, 2007 at 6:39 pm
Heya Froggy.
August 27th, 2007 at 8:01 pm
Just shut up and link, in another post, directly to the video of you teaching the AFP about the boomstick and the ammo. Merci.
August 27th, 2007 at 11:01 pm
Which was screamingly funny, by the way.
August 28th, 2007 at 12:03 am
DF…..in the dacha! Woot woot woot!
August 28th, 2007 at 1:25 am
Glad you’re here. Glad you’re back. Love your blog.
August 28th, 2007 at 10:35 am
Whoops, the Dog beat me to it. Good to have you around again, and around here, since between the two I do a lot of rather insane-sounding laughter that worries my coworkers.
August 29th, 2007 at 4:01 pm
Bonjour.
M. Sarkozy, je crois, fait trembler “la gauche” dans votre pays.
En faisant visite avec “M. Boosh” aux états unis, en envoyant ministre Bernard Kouchner en Irak, en faisant des remarques très durs a M. Ahmadinejhad…
“Non, non, non ! ce n’est pas possible !! “