When correctly viewed, everything is lewd: Craig and the cop
The rather Byzantine story of Senator Larry Craig of Idaho, who was arrested for lewd behavior in a Minnesota airport restroom staked out by an undercover cop in a sting operation, and who copped a plea for disorderly conduct instead, teaches those of us who are relatively (or maybe even completely) unfamiliar with men’s room etiquette that they are places where users must pay strict attention to the location of all body parts at all times.
No, I’m not talking about those body parts. I’m talking about feet; it seems that playing footsie between the stalls is a big no-no, even when the feet in question might be on the no-man’s-land of the border beneath the stall wall.
Not that I’ve ever thought of playing footsie between the stalls; the most I’ve ever done along those lines is to study the shoes next door for fashion tips, and imagine what the person who goes with those 6-inch green platforms or those Birkenstocks might look like. That’s the sort of thing we do in ladies’ rooms for fun.
Fortunately, while imagining, I don’t tap my feet. In the ladies’ room it might not even matter, but in the men’s room, it’s a signal that the festivities are about to begin.
And don’t get started on hands; in fact; don’t even think about it. That line between the stalls cannot ever be crossed, even (as Craig rather unconvincingly alleges was his motivation) to pick up a piece of paper.
It also turns out that, in the men’s room, peeking through the crack in the door is another highly verboten act—especially if it goes on for a while, as it allegedly did in Craig’s case (although I wonder whether the cop really timed it at two minutes).
And all of this is happening in newfangled men’s rooms with stalls. I can’t even imagine the exquisitely nuanced etiquette (oh, maybe I can) necessary to get by without arrest in men’s rooms sporting the old-fashioned row of urinals. Those men’s rooms always seemed to me to be one of the main drawbacks to being a man, but I guess they’ve mostly been phased out, although they were good for one of the funniest scenes of my early childhood movie-going career when Andy Griffith rigged up a whole row of them to salute when his drill sergeant came in for latrine inspection in “No Time for Sergeants.”
But I digress, as I often do.
Apparently, one of Sen. Craig’s initial suspicious acts was to place his wheeled carry-on bag in front of him in his stall when he first settled in there for a what-have-you. The arresting police officer said:
My experience has shown that individuals engaging in lewd conduct use their bags to block the view from the front of their stall.
No doubt he has a great deal more experience than I with individuals engaging in lewd restroom conduct. But I’ve logged my share of time in airport restroom stalls, and my experience has shown that individuals with wheeled carry-on bags are a rather tight fit in there to begin with. My experience has shown that individuals with wheeled carry-on bags in airport restroom stalls have nowhere else to put their bags except up against the door.
I’m not saying that Craig wasn’t soliciting the cop. He may indeed have been. But the behavior he engaged in just wasn’t enough to be considered “lewd” in my book. I would have thought something more should be necessary before an arrest could be made.
And even if Craig went so far as to attempt to solicit sex from what he thought was another consenting adult in a men’s room in the Minneapolis airport, I don’t much care. It’s risky behavior, to be sure, but what’s the crime in asking, especially through relatively discreet signaling?
Now, if Craig had actually gone ahead and begun to perform a sexual act in that men’s room in public view, that’s when the term “lewd conduct” should have kicked in (and even the stall, in this case, could arguably be considered “public”). But his acts as described were pretty far from fitting that definition—with the possible exception of the “staring through the crack in the door for two minutes” part. But that would fall under the heading of voyeurism rather than lewd conduct, the definition of “lewd conduct” being that a third party who might be expected to be offended is exposed to the sexual behavior in question, or that a child is the subject of the attentions.
As it is, Craig was arrested for a sort of Kabuki theater of gestures that are suspicious but could be explained in innocent ways, although it would be a stretch. But whether or not Craig was in fact intent on having some sort of sexual contact with his neighbor in the next stall, the behavior he exhibited needed to have gone quite a bit further to have justified an arrest.
[The title of this post comes from the 1965 Tom Lehrer song "Smut."
Smut!
Give me smut and nothing but!
A dirty novel I can't shut,
If it's uncut,
and unsubt--le.
I've never quibbled
If it was ribald,
I would devour where others merely nibbled.
As the judge remarked the day that he
acquitted my Aunt Hortense,
"To be smut
It must be ut-
Terly without redeeming social importance."
Por-
Nographic pictures I adore.
Indecent magazines galore,
I like them more
If they're hard core.
(Bring on the obscene movies, murals, postcards, neckties,
samplers, stained-glass windows, tattoos, anything!
More, more, I'm still not satisfied!)
Stories of tortures
Used by debauchers,
Lurid, licentious, and vile,
Make me smile.
Novels that pander
To my taste for candor
Give me a pleasure sublime.
(Let's face it, I love slime.)
All books can be indecent books
Though recent books are bolder,
For filth (I'm glad to say) is in
the mind of the beholder.
When correctly viewed,
Everything is lewd.
(I could tell you things about Peter Pan,
And the Wizard of Oz, there's a dirty old man!)
I thrill
To any book like Fanny Hill,
And I suppose I always will,
If it is swill
And really fil
thy.
Who needs a hobby like tennis or philately?
I've got a hobby: rereading Lady Chatterley.
But now they're trying to take it all
away from us unless
We take a stand, and hand in hand
we fight for freedom of the press.
In other words,
Smut! (I love it)
Ah, the adventures of a slut.
Oh, I'm a market they can't glut,
I don't know what
Compares with smut.
Hip hip hooray!
Let's hear it for the Supreme Court!
Don't let them take it away!]
[ADDENDUM: Varifrank has a good post on the Craig episode.]
[Cross-posted at neoneocon.]
[ADDENDUM II: My informants tell me that the urinal is alive and well in the modern men's room. You might want to use this helpful teaching tool to get some tips on how to choose your urinal. Extra credit if you get the last one right.]
Topics: sex
Posted by Neoneocon at 2:03 pm on Wednesday, August 29, 2007
16 Responses to “When correctly viewed, everything is lewd: Craig and the cop”
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August 29th, 2007 at 2:40 pm
Why would anyone be dreaming up excuses or rationales for what went down ?
Larry Craig pled guilty and paid a fine.
You don’t do that unless you are acknowledging some aspect of wrongdoing.
When asked for his driver’s license by the arresting officer, Craig handed over his Senate I.D. card and asked…”what do you think of that” ?
The arresting officer probably wanted to say something to the effect of how disgusting for a US Senator with, apparently, some time to fill between flights. But he just asked (again) for the driver’s license.
August 29th, 2007 at 2:44 pm
You would be safer using the ladies.
August 29th, 2007 at 3:02 pm
I still can’t get over the fact that it was a public restroom. What’s up with that? Don’t they have gay bars and motel rooms anymore?
August 29th, 2007 at 3:37 pm
On one hand, if it’s criminal behavior, it’s criminal behavior and equal justice demands equal prosecution. So, if he is guilty, he should pay the same as anyone else.
As a politico though, if he is gay and still manages to represent his constituents who are majorly not gay, then he’s one of the better politicos.
Too many folk tend to require that elected officials set themselves up as demagogues for personal peccadillo’s and forget that whole concept of representing the desires of those who did the electing.
August 29th, 2007 at 3:45 pm
“What’s up with that?”
Something about public restrooms seems to be attractive. The thrill of doing something illegal and clandestine in a public setting.
Might heighten the ecstasy thingY.
Cruising to have an encounter like that can be inspired by some pretty raunchy impulses in the human breast.
(for the record, I personally don’t see what “the gay thing” has to do with this particular case, or, for that matter, whether the perpetrator might perhaps be “bi” or, even, “straight”)
August 29th, 2007 at 5:37 pm
My experience has shown that individuals engaging in lewd conduct use their bags to block the view from the front of their stall.
Really now? I’m in agreement with the host on this point. Ain’t much damn room in those stalls. Do female officers use the same ’subjective’ criteria for arrests in female bathrooms?
What does tapping feet have to do with a damn thing? I admit I haven’t seen someone doing the ‘moonwalk’ in a crapper, but just what exactly is the deal with tapping feet?
Women who have tapped their feet, or looking at shoes would they be subjected to arrest?
Reaching for a piece of paper by either sex, is not cool…except by asking permission…should one be reading a (pardon the pun) brief. I’ve not done so…but would imagine more people then Craig have.
I do what one is in the head (damn another) for. That’s it…wipe, flush, wash hands and out.
Females also seem to be given more latitude also. Two women check in to a hotel/motel…now that may raise an eyebrow…but if it is said, this is my daughter or grandmother, or aunt…the eyebrow still may be raised…BUT it is accepted.
Two men try that, and the place is surrounded within moments. Even with the recent spate of female teachers and younger men, going to a hotel/motel. In most cases female reserving accepted, male…you are in the can (Christ that’s three) just not done.
I don’t know if Craig is guilty of anything. It is through the eyes of a “experienced cop”. Does the “experienced cop” tap his feet, while in the crapper? Reach for paper, flash (shit four now) his badge (four and a half)?
Frankly (no NOT Barny) I only care what Craig and the 534 people in Washington D.C. do. While they do have their own constituency, decisions 535 people make, have a bearing on me and my money…THAT’S what I have an interest in and from what I see, hear and read…those 535 are making money hand over fist…MY MONEY!
August 29th, 2007 at 7:38 pm
Oh SHIT! Did I leave the italics open….Damn those Corona’s.
August 29th, 2007 at 9:36 pm
Let me put it this way. I didn’t care what Slick Willie was doing in the Oval Office after hours, as long as he was looking out for my interests during working hours, which it now appears he wasn’t. I don’t care what some stupid senator is doing in public restrooms as long as he’s looking out for my interests during working hours. If he’s not doing that, boot his useless ass and get somebody in there who can do the necessary work, and let them screw whomever they like when they’re not on my dime.
August 29th, 2007 at 9:56 pm
There are things that are done that normal people don’t connect with.
When you drive a truck you find out that if you whistle on the CB it brings out a bunch of less than savory discussion from less than savory rodents. I tap my feet from restless energy, if someone decided that it was a mating call I might be persuaded to tap on their head. I’m beginning to get rather fired up about all of the things that I can’t do anymore for fear of picking up a label that I don’t want or like.
August 29th, 2007 at 10:01 pm
El Cid, “My experience has shown that individuals engaging in lewd conduct use their bags to block the view from the front of their stall.”
The cop should put up a sign that says ‘Please leave bags in hallway and unlock them for ease of inventory, you didn’t need them anyway, thank you!’
August 29th, 2007 at 10:16 pm
MikeH
‘Please leave bags in hallway and unlock them for ease of inventory, you didn’t need them anyway, thank you!’
Good idea, except for the fact, that “bags” have several connotations….
One, is derogatory to women…Cop guilty of being a sexist pig and/or one that peeks UNDER toilet stalls.
Two, if it is brown paper bags…Getting laid by an ugly woman, after several drinks…Cop guilty. Conduct unbecoming an officer. Drinks heavily and kills several on fit of rage.
Three, Cop steals everything contained in said bag…Cop Guilty, but denies any wrong doing. Cop says, prove it.
Four, Cop shoots the accuser, then places a “plant weapon” in dead accusers hand, claims dead accuser, was waving a weapon. Self defense OR the common, protection of public, defense.
But we all must remember that the cop, was “experienced” which means all four scenarios are on the table
August 30th, 2007 at 1:36 am
At least the cop doesn’t have to worry about a normally perverted citizen blocking the officer from making sure that the citizen isn’t doing anything, umm…. perverted, like extruding waste material. They do leave the bottom of the stalls open for some reason of that nature, don’t they?
I’m amazed that I never noticed that carrying a ‘bag’ into an airport restroom had sexual connotations. Oh well I’ve led a sheltered life and I won’t be going through Minneapolis by airplane or car, so I won’t be forced to become unsheltered.
August 30th, 2007 at 1:46 am
Wordpress is hungry tonight. I had just served up a dish of snark and wordpress stole it off my plate! I don’t think that I should have to pay the tab tonight. I’m really upset, it was so good that I can’t remember what it was.
Oh well, Test!
August 30th, 2007 at 1:47 am
Damn, it worked
August 30th, 2007 at 9:09 am
Now we know why the politicians don’t want to get tough on border enforcement.
August 30th, 2007 at 11:38 pm
Liars & dissemblers on the public payroll, On or Off the clock, just doesn’t work for me.
If you listened to the 9 or so minute tape released today (of the aftermath of the arrest), it is clear that Mr. Craig is a dissembler of the worst order.
That particular restroom was, reportedly, out of the way and a “known” place for encounters in Minneapolis airport.