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The Gallic War

Mon ami le Frogman has done me the tremendous honor of refering to me as Gaius Julius Crittenden … apparently a mocking reference to my efforts to document the Gallic War … this most recent lasted about five minutes, so documenting it really wasn’t hard work. Also I wrote it in English and used Babelfish for the Frog parts, so it wasn’t like I had to struggle through any dusty old Latin like old GJC did. Or conquer the place.* 

Away, Froggy offers up some succinct commentary re Sarkozy, lest you be fooled by the enthusiasm for things American, like truth, justice, defeating evil, etc. He suggests, in fact, Sarko’s a bit of a Trojan Frog: 

Observation: The new administration of what’s been the most anti-American Western country to date looks as if it suddenly whipped itself up one morning into a frenzy of pro-Americanism; and doesn’t miss an occasion to sound Rover than the Karl …

Gut feeling: the French realized that Chirac’s strategy of opposing “American hegemony” — one of most used expression in French politics for the past 30 years — upfront and in the open failed miserably and hurt “French interests” far more than they will publically admit. Therefore, a change of tactics is required and they’re now aiming at working against the US from inside any alliance they can join: NATO, the Coalition of the Willing redux vs. The Iranian Nukejobs, your local AA, you name it … 

The Frogman, with all the world-weariness of an organ grinder who knows his monkey too well, twirls his moustache and adds wrily,

I really like the Americans. They’re a bunch of incredibly decent people with an impressive record of achievements to prove it but I do have to tell them something, from a friend to a friend: giving people the benefit of the doubt, and always looking for the best in them is a great quality, and one that honors your character as a nation. But when dealing with the corrupt ruling class of Old Europe in general and France in particular, it will get you nowhere, fast: Backstabbing is more than a national sport here; it’s a way of life and politics. 

There’s more. Read it here.

*Since Caesar’s time we’ve advanced in our strategy and generally look to the French to conquer themselves.

** Sacre bleu!  His insult went right over my American blockhead! See comments.

Bienvenue Punditeurs, etal! Bon jour, entre vouz!  Is that your minkey? Garcon! There is a oui’rm in my pomme.  Mon dieu, these treacherous surrender minkeys are of l’Cheese-Whiz-eating  variety!  Bah, when it comes to rewriting history, these Americains are amateurs!

Topics: France

  Posted by Jules Crittenden at 9:30 pm on Wednesday, September 19, 2007

15 Responses to “The Gallic War”

1. The_Real_JeffS Says:
   September 19th, 2007 at 10:17 pm

   “….the French want back into NATO because nobody listens to them otherwise.”

   Actually, even if France actually re-joins NATO, I’m not convinced that anyone will to them anyway.

   That old joke about French tanks having 2 gears for forward, and 3 for reverse? There’s a reason why it’s still around, in spite being at least 50 years old.

2. RebeccaH Says:
   September 19th, 2007 at 11:17 pm

   I fear le Frog is right. This is why Europeans have always seen us as immature and uncultured, naive hayseeds if you will. And it’s time we got over that.

3. Don Surber » Blog Archive Says:
   September 19th, 2007 at 11:17 pm

   [...] Is Sarkozy a Trojan Frog? Jules Crittenden thinks so. [...]

4. DissidentFrogman Says:
   September 20th, 2007 at 1:26 am

   “Mon ami le Frogman has done me the tremendous honor of refering to me as Gaius Julius Crittenden … apparently a mocking reference to my efforts to document the Gallic War”

   Ah! That wasn’t a mocking reference but a subtle stab at American Power’s Hegemonic Imperialism, Monsieur!

   And don’t mock my moustache or I shall taunt you a second time.

5. saltydog Says:
   September 20th, 2007 at 1:52 am

   With all due deference to the Frogman, and other individual’s like him, I haven’t trusted the French since I read and understood Rousseau and the history of French philosophy. I feel exactly the same about Germany, for the same reason. There are reasons why history plays out the way it does within countries and civilizations–there are consequences to a people’s thinking and choices. Those things don’t change overnight.

6. Jules Crittenden Says:
   September 20th, 2007 at 7:57 am

   What can I say. Typical thick American. Like big stupid puppies that pee on the floor and knock over antiques with their tails. You mock me with subtle, sophisticated digs about L’imperialisme Americain and I take it as praise.

7. Don Surber Says:
   September 20th, 2007 at 8:42 am

   Frogman says “Hegemonic Imperialism” like that’s a bad thing. Hey, someone has to teach the French to shave their pits and brush their teeth.

8. DissidentFrogman Says:
   September 20th, 2007 at 9:53 am

   Jules, it was praise, I’m just pulling your leg. I’ll have l’imperialisme Américain over say, the German or the Russian one any day.

   Don, it’s always bad, unless it’s French hegemonic imperialism.

   In which case, it’s called France’s rayonnement culturel.

9. Jules Crittenden Says:
   September 20th, 2007 at 10:19 am

   And now you insult me with the suggestion that as a chowder-headed Yankee I am too dense to understand that your joke is not an insult!?! Merde! I break wind in your general direction!

10. Vanguard of the Commentariat Says:
    September 20th, 2007 at 10:50 am

    OK by me, as long as they bring the Foreign Legion to the party. Those boys are some hard dicks.

11. DissidentFrogman Says:
    September 20th, 2007 at 1:02 pm

    Jules,

    Gross! I am so opposing you at the next Security Council!

12. pst314 Says:
    September 20th, 2007 at 2:53 pm

    “it’s called France’s rayonnement culturel.”

    Rayonnement?? Should we confine French ambassadors and professors to hazmat containment systems?

    “I break wind in your general direction!”

    Perhaps we’ll need to confine Mr. Crittenden, too.

13. RebeccaH Says:
    September 20th, 2007 at 4:08 pm

    Ew. What’s that smell?

14. sharinlite Says:
    September 20th, 2007 at 6:03 pm

    Ooops! Sorry. It read up above like a couple of 13 year old’s wet dreams. Keep up the, um, “party”. I’m outta here!

15. Dave Surls Says:
    September 20th, 2007 at 11:14 pm

    I keep meaning to check out the Frogman’s site.

    Hear it’s pretty good.

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