« I Have Not Yet Begun to Give Up!Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy »

North Pole Diet

Surgeon General to Santa: Lose It, Fat Boy! Claus under PC assault on that front and others. Boston Herald exclusive:   

America’s top doc told the Herald yesterday that Santa Claus should slim down, in the latest blow struck in a global politically correct crusade against the jolly fat man.

“It is really important that the people who kids look up to as role models are in good shape, eating well and getting exercise. It is absolutely critical,” acting U.S. Surgeon General Rear Adm. Steven K. Galson said in an interview after a presentation on obesity at the Boston Children’s Museum.

Touting NFL players who work with kids to promote healthy lifestyles, Galson added: “Santa is no different.”

Santa’s waistline is the most recent casualty in a war which has already taken away his pipe and his ability to scoop children up and sit them on his knee.

Newspapers abroad have been filled with headlines bemoaning the plight of Australian Santas ordered not to say “ho, ho, ho” for fear of offending women or scaring children, and British Santas sent to boot camp to lose weight.

Some American Santas are taught not to greet people with “Merry Christmas” in case it offends people of different faiths, according to Tim Connaghan, founder of the International University of Santa Claus.

And the Amalgamated Order of Real Bearded Santas agrees with the acting surgeon general that Santa is just too fat. The organization has suggested its 800 members lose weight in time for its July convention to “set an example.”

Weigh in on the Herald poll while you’re there.

Comprehensive Herald Claus coverage:

Carrots … Not Just for Reindeer Anymore

Modern-day Kris Kringle has Clauses for Concern

Topics: Santa Claus

  Posted by Jules Crittenden at 10:38 am on Friday, November 30, 2007

12 Responses to “North Pole Diet”

1. tabitharuth Says:
   November 30th, 2007 at 11:04 am

   Great. We can all leave out rice cakes on Christmas eve.

   A skinny Santa doesn’t inspire children to eat better. It teaches them that no matter what you do with your life it only counts if you are thin.

2. tanstaafl Says:
   November 30th, 2007 at 12:00 pm

   Gag me with a pop tart.

   (and didn’t any of these brain dead PC yakkers hear the recent news that a little bit of meat on the bones is a sign of good health ?)

   I fear for the future of western civilization with the seemingly relentless descent into unbelievable collective stupidity.

   And…(as for Australian Santas with the US idiotically possibly following suit…)

   ho frickin’ hohoho

3. Santa Has Got to Lose Weight « The Van Der Galiën Gazette Says:
   November 30th, 2007 at 12:20 pm

   […] 30, 2007 by Michael van der Galiën Health freaks have decided that Santa Clause should go on a […]

4. The_Real_JeffS Says:
   November 30th, 2007 at 3:23 pm

   I don’t care what the Acting Surgeon General says…..I’m still sending my adopted soldier the package which includes, amongst other yummies, two packages of Oreo cookies, one with red filling, and one green.

   And DOUBLE THICK, as well! WOO HOO!

5. saltydog Says:
   November 30th, 2007 at 4:40 pm

   Let me see if I understand all of this correctly. We are supposed to remain silent about a predominately black culture that romanticizes treating all women as “hos,” advocates murder, especially of police officers–and whose top examples have actually engaged in gang warfare that has resulted in public murders, because it’s a cultural thing and who are we to judge. We are supposed to remain silent about female genital mutilation, which traumatizes young girls and wrecks any chance for a normal sexual life, because it’s a cultural thing and who are we to judge. We are supposed to remain silent about jihad, because contrary to all observable evidence, it doesn’t mean that an jihadi is a fanatic ready to commit mass murder on the primise that he is a soldier for Allah who is promised an adolescent’s idea of paradise full of virgins because it’s a cultural thing and who are we to judge. BUT…

   It is the complaints–sometimes vicious–about American cultural traditions that we are to remain silent about. Under this meme, Christopher Columbus was a genocidal, greedy maniac and Santa Claus is an evil tobacco addict, fat slob and a potential child molester, who shows his racism and contempt for other cultures by wishing people a Merry Christmas and offering a jolly “ho, ho, ho”, because this is an automatic, and unbearable, insult to anyone who doesn’t celebrate Christmas, or who might be a whore.

   Have I got that right? It seems to me that the only constant is that we are to remain silent no matter what.

6. saltydog Says:
   November 30th, 2007 at 4:47 pm

   My post has been blocked, which is really funny because the theme was the our lack of free expression. Ho ho ho.

7. El Cid Says:
   November 30th, 2007 at 4:54 pm

   GEEZ…Salty!

   Get another damn post…lol.

8. El Cid Says:
   November 30th, 2007 at 4:58 pm

   Paco the Great at Blair’s had this to say….

   Well, if a Boston doctor thinks Santa ought to slim down, I imagine he’d recommend Ted Kennedy for full-body liposuction and radical man-boob reduction.

   Posted by paco on 2007 11 30 at 01:43 PM

9. tanstaafl Says:
   December 1st, 2007 at 11:26 am

   offering a jolly “ho, ho, ho”, because this is an automatic, and unbearable, insult to anyone who doesn’t celebrate Christmas, or who might be a whore.

   The rationale in Australia was that little children will become frightened with Santa hohoho’ing at them.

   Something like that, the “protect the children” meme.

   I’m convinced the “only certain kinds of (PC approved) speech are free” agenda is simply and only an aspect of the “big government control every aspect of your life” agenda.

   It’s ominous, profound and relentless.

   Nice writing, saltydog.

10. Cold Fury » Killjoy Christmas Says:
    December 1st, 2007 at 12:28 pm

    […] Crittenden - and don’t miss saltydog’s excellent comment, […]

11. OnlyInBostonKids Says:
    December 1st, 2007 at 7:07 pm

    Political correctness: The sole language of the anal retentive.

12. Hirerob Says:
    December 9th, 2007 at 7:23 pm

    www.keepsantafat.com

    Check it out. Sign the petition. (It’s for a good cause)

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.