Happy Martyrdom Day!
Abu Laith al-Libi, enjoying the pleasures of paradise, compliments of your tax dollars!
There is some disagreement among imams on whether slaughter of innocents is Islamically correct, which raises the possibility al-Libi is currently otherwise engaged. A quick cruise around the Internet informs that Islamic hell is just for infidels like us. Even bad Muslims go to Paradise. But this Wiki entry informs that the lowest level of Islamic hell is ”the Hawiyah which is meant for the Hypocrites and two-faced people who claimed to believe in Allah and His messenger by the tongue but denounced both in their hearts.” This fallen Muslim, no fan of Allah or Mohammed, cites chapter and verse extensively, including one that states when “two Muslims fight with swords, the killer and the killed will go to hell.” I’m no Islamic scholar, but I have to think murdering Muslim men, women and children gets you there.
Posted by Jules Crittenden at 7:23 am on Friday, February 1, 2008
6 Responses to “Happy Martyrdom Day!”
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February 1st, 2008 at 7:48 am
I’ve heard Muslims who kill other Muslims called “Takfiris” as well. But I’m definitely no scholar either. Thank heavens this guy is dead. Some people you just can’t reconcile with and they need to get blowed up. What do they say in the Air Force, “Air Power” or something like that. I’d say it was a good hit.
February 1st, 2008 at 11:03 am
They may “quickly regroup and replace al-Libi”, but they’ve all got to be wondering who’s next.
February 1st, 2008 at 1:12 pm
“Hijackers Surprised To Find Selves In Hell: ‘We Expected Eternal Paradise For This,’ Say Suicide Bombers” in the Onion Issue 37•34 on September 26, 2001:
JAHANNEM, OUTER DARKNESS—The hijackers who carried out the Sept. 11 attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon expressed confusion and surprise Monday to find themselves in the lowest plane of Na’ar, Islam’s Hell.
“I was promised I would spend eternity in Paradise, being fed honeyed cakes by 67 virgins in a tree-lined garden, if only I would fly the airplane into one of the Twin Towers,” said Mohammed Atta, one of the hijackers of American Airlines Flight 11, between attempts to vomit up the wasps, hornets, and live coals infesting his stomach. “But instead, I am fed the boiling feces of traitors by malicious, laughing Ifrit. Is this to be my reward for destroying the enemies of my faith?”
The rest of Atta’s words turned to raw-throated shrieks, as a tusked, asp-tongued demon burst his eyeballs and drank the fluid that ran down his face.
According to Hell sources, the 19 eternally damned terrorists have struggled to understand why they have been subjected to soul-withering, infernal torture ever since their Sept. 11 arrival.
“There was a tumultuous conflagration of burning steel and fuel at our gates, and from it stepped forth these hijackers, the blessed name of the Lord already turning to molten brass on their accursed lips,” said Iblis The Thrice-Damned, the cacodemon charged with conscripting new arrivals into the ranks of the forgotten. “Indeed, I do not know what they were expecting, but they certainly didn’t seem prepared to be skewered from eye socket to bunghole and then placed on a spit so that their flesh could be roasted by the searing gale of flatus which issues forth from the haunches of Asmoday.”
“Which is strange when you consider the evil with which they ended their lives and those of so many others,” added Iblis, absentmindedly twisting the limbs of hijacker Abdul Aziz Alomari into unspeakably obscene shapes.
***
February 1st, 2008 at 1:12 pm
“God Angrily Clarifies ‘Don’t Kill’ Rule” in the Onion Issue 37•34 on September 26, 2001:
NEW YORK—Responding to recent events on Earth, God, the omniscient creator-deity worshipped by billions of followers of various faiths for more than 6,000 years, angrily clarified His longtime stance against humans killing each other Monday.
“Look, I don’t know, maybe I haven’t made myself completely clear, so for the record, here it is again,” said the Lord, His divine face betraying visible emotion during a press conference near the site of the fallen Twin Towers. “Somehow, people keep coming up with the idea that I want them to kill their neighbor. Well, I don’t. And to be honest, I’m really getting sick and tired of it. Get it straight. Not only do I not want anybody to kill anyone, but I specifically commanded you not to, in really simple terms that anybody ought to be able to understand.”
***
“I don’t care how holy somebody claims to be,” God said. “If a person tells you it’s My will that they kill someone, they’re wrong. Got it? I don’t care what religion you are, or who you think your enemy is, here it is one more time: No killing, in My name or anyone else’s, ever again.”
***
“I’m talking to all of you, here!” continued God, His voice rising to a shout. “Do you hear Me? I don’t want you to kill anybody. I’m against it, across the board. How many times do I have to say it? Don’t kill each other anymore — ever! I’m f#$@!&% serious!”
Upon completing His outburst, God fell silent, standing quietly at the podium for several moments. Then, witnesses reported, God’s shoulders began to shake, and He wept.
February 1st, 2008 at 2:19 pm
Going back to Ibn Taymiyyah, who fatwa’d that it was ok for the Mamluks to attack Ghazan’s Muslim Mongols, these guys will find whatever reason they need to attack us.
February 1st, 2008 at 8:42 pm
Abu Laith al-Libi, unrest in hell. Next?