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Church of Hank’s Convenience

Shamelessly mocked as Iowahawk channels Chaucer vs. the current A of C: Heere Bigynneth the Tale of the Asse-Hatte. Iowahawk needs to quit screwing around and just change his name to Geniushawk. 

To understand the bitter irony of Rowan’s most recent truckling to Sharists, it is important to understand that the One True Church* was founded on the most profound of principles. Henry VIII had a Spanish wife who wasn’t living up to royal expectations in the progeny department and the Pope wouldn’t let him get a new one. And if German monks can thumb their noses at Italians, what’s to stop an English monarch from doing the same in the vital national interest, demonstrated not least by the real estate opportunities and benefit to the Exchequer said thumbing occasions.

In order to have a respectable break, the Anglicans determined that Englishmen should be able to talk to God themselves, in English, and priests should be allowed to do what a lot of them were doing anyway, which is have relations with women. 

All forward progress in the national interest. So for Hank’s convenience, England was ushered into the Reformation, a vital step in what ultimately became the American evolution of independence and democracy. Rowan desires not merely to chuck that noble religious, philosophical and national legacy, but to subjugate British Common Law to Sharia. Of course, there is a perverse logic. Because England never took the further step of separating church and state, and seeing as the C of E and the British government are so keen to cede civil authority over minority religious concerns, might as well hand the state over to the mosque.

Previously: Yanqui Imperialistas, Wot? 

Related but different: Remember When?

* Disclosure: I was born into the Church of England, dunked by itinerant missionaries in the jungles of Sumatra to be a member of this church, but have been less than diligent in observance of particulars of late. Apparently, given the value ascribed to it by the current stewardship, I haven’t missed much.  

Topics: Britain, moronocy, religion

  Posted by Jules Crittenden at 8:06 am on Wednesday, February 13, 2008

5 Responses to “Church of Hank’s Convenience”

1. tanstaafl Says:
   February 13th, 2008 at 10:05 am

   Thanks for the link to Iowahawk’s fun read and the short history of the founding of the Church of England :-)

2. Fatty Bolger Says:
   February 13th, 2008 at 11:36 am

   Man, that was funny. Sheer brilliance.

3. El Cid Says:
   February 13th, 2008 at 11:56 am

   As said at the Blair House. The Hawk, should be Knighted.

   if only the Brit’s could forget that July 4th Day, thingy

4. RebeccaH Says:
   February 13th, 2008 at 1:19 pm

   Not only did Iowahawk brilliantly ridicule an eminently ridiculous man, he made sitting through two semesters of English literature worthwhile.

5. saltydog Says:
   February 13th, 2008 at 11:31 pm

   There is some very good satire on the web — better than anything I’ve seen in print — but Iowahawk has surpassed them all with this brilliant piece. There ought to be some kind of special award, with a suitable prize, for this kind of work.

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