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I Kill to Eat

I had asparagus tonight. It went quietly. Maybe because I steamed it death under a lid. So even if I wasn’t half deaf, I couldn’t hear it.* Actually I just did it that way because it works better, but if it means I don’t have to listen to it scream, so much the better.  

Bird Dog wonders whether long pork is the only PC foodstuff left. 

* Fact is, due to certain lifestyle choices, mainly involving very loud music and machine gun fire, it pretty much always sounds like asparagus is screaming in my head. And trust me, if you’re unsettled by asparagus screams, you don’t want to know what either the very loud music or the machine gun fire was about. 

To any incoming from DeafPulse.com, I assure you, the above is no cheap joke about hearing issues. And to any meanspirited regulars, it’s not funny!

(I had steak with the asparagus, BTW TheRealJeffS, but I didn’t kill it. I paid mercenaries to do it for me. As for the fruit, TBinSTL, I usually just bite into it while it’s still alive, its very life juices running down my face as I rip out hunks of flesh … ) 

Topics: food

  Posted by Jules Crittenden at 11:57 pm on Saturday, May 3, 2008

4 Responses to “I Kill to Eat”

1. The_Real_JeffS Says:
   May 4th, 2008 at 12:19 am

   I had steak myself. Broiled, lots of lemon-pepper, garlic, and unground pepper. Very peppery. Did I mention that I like pepper?

   Anyhoo, I broiled the formerly living flesh until it was somewhat more than medium-well, and forced myself to eat it. Well, no force was required.

   I didn’t hear any screaming, though. And if asparagus can scream, and moo meat doesn’t, maybe PETA needs to rethink their purpose in life, eh?

2. DeafPulse.com - the one-stop pulse for all Deaf-related news and blogs. Says:
   May 4th, 2008 at 1:00 am

   [...] Isabella Mori kindly nominating me for the award and then me give my brief speech using (0 clicks) I Kill to EatI had asparagus tonight. It went quietly. Maybe because I steamed it death under a lid…. Sunday after Ascension-dayFor the convenience of readers, I will post the actual texts and collects [...]

3. TBinSTL Says:
   May 4th, 2008 at 1:18 am

   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fruitarianism

   Awww hell……

4. Vanguard of the Commentariat Says:
   May 4th, 2008 at 10:46 am

   At least that asparagus is in a better place now.

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