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Dances With Mullahs

Obama went to the Crow Reservation and all he got was this dumb name: “One Who Helps People Throughout the Land.” Lame-o. Washington Post’s “The Trail” Blog: 

 CROW AGENCY, Mont. — Sen. Barack Obama became the first American presidential candidate to visit the reservation of the Crow Nation, and in doing so was adopted into the nation under the Crow name “One Who Helps People Throughout the Land.”

Drums pounded and the crowd cheered as Obama was escorted to the podium by his “new parents,” Hartford and Mary Black Eagle, in the manner of a groom being walked down the aisle. Obama beamed. His adoptive parents gave Obama hugs as he stepped onto a riser to speak.

“I want to thank my new parents,” he said. “The nicest parents you could ever want to know. I like my new name. Barack Black Eagle. That is a good name!”

I thought an Indian name was supposed to be descriptive of some kind of reality … how about “Wife Talks Too Much” or “Prayed With a Bigot.” Maybe “Scary Woman Pursues Him.” OK, OK, let’s be nice. “Hopes for Change.” “Sees Threats As Tiny.” “Withdrawer of Bluecoats.” ”Would Talk With Bad Men.” Sorry … I’m trying to get something meaningful out of his vision quest. 

Anyway, he was adopted by Mr. and Mrs. Black Eagle, which also makes him Barack Black Eagle. No, that’s not Barack Hussein Black Eagle.  

No cruel Great Non-White Father jokes please. 

Surber’s favorite Indian name: Rocky Colavito

Ha, that guy cracks me up!

My favorite Indian name: Rudyard Kipling

Ha, I crack myself up!

Welcome, Catmeat Blairites, etal! Always good to see you. Come on in. We were just trying on bear suits so we can have endangered species protection, too. Life’s a party struggle. You may not always want the history that you have, but America is a great country, you can always have the history that you want. Bring us your frauds, your scam artists, yearning for a free ride! Outrage! American war criminals remove children from the bosom of their native terrorism! Here’s something to mullah over: questions for Iran from Iranians.

Topics: pols

  Posted by Jules Crittenden at 8:43 pm on Monday, May 19, 2008

5 Responses to “Dances With Mullahs”

1. The_Real_JeffS Says:
   May 19th, 2008 at 9:17 pm

   I have a cooler Indian name than that (but not Crow, it’s from one of the Pacific Northwest tribes). And I’ve had it for longer than The Messiah™, so I’ll be announcing my White House run tomorrow. Watch for my press release!

2. Fatty Bolger Says:
   May 19th, 2008 at 10:41 pm

   OK, it’s all a little silly, but you have to admit - “Black Eagle” would be a SWEET secret service call sign for Obama if he was elected President.

3. Don Surber » Blog Archive » Just ask me Says:
   May 20th, 2008 at 6:01 am

   […] Apparently. The Indian nation adopted him. Jules Crittenden suggested a few Indian names for Obama. I liked “Wife Talks Too […]

4. mojo Says:
   May 20th, 2008 at 1:13 pm

   The Crow always were suck-ups.

5. RebeccaH Says:
   May 21st, 2008 at 3:21 pm

   A Crow with the name Black Eagle. That was passed on to Barack Obama. There’s a joke in there somewhere.

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