« Psalm 9/11Skinned »

Ugh Say Vote Palin

The election is descending into a nonsense period. Blah blah blah Palin wears lipstick. Blah blah blah Palin dangerously believes in God. Blah blah blah Palin declares war on Russia. Like a lot of annoying flies, the ones that swarm you when you’re sneaking up on a mammoth herd. Crit thinks, “This nonsense exactly why Crit suspended blogging in the Moon of the No-See-Ums.” Too much blah blah blah makes Crit head hurt. Crit decides to explore other hunting grounds on the vast Blogosphere. 

So what’s up with Neanderthals these days, anyway? No, not the knuckle-dragging, gun-toting, religion-clinging Republican kind. Crit means the real, cave-dwelling, woman-by-the-hair-dragging, fur-loincloth-wearing Neanderthals. You know, low-brows with clubs over their shoulders named “Ugh.” Crit always had a soft spot for Neanderthals, kind of missed them, wondered what they were about. Crit checks in on the superlative pro-Neanderthalist anthroblog of John Hawks.   

Neanderthals always get a bad rap. Lunkheaded, all muscle, primitive and child-like. Figures of fun and derision. Ha ha, dumb Neanderthal went extinct. What a throwback! Hey missing link, climb back up your evolutionary tree! It ticks Crit off. So imagine Crit’s surprise, when Crit gets to Hawks’ blog and sees which humans are gushing about Neanderthals. Giving them props for their hunting ability, weaponry and complex organizational skills. Marveling about how big clumsy low-brow Neanderthals may have even had  remarkably human-like thinking and socialization. 

It’s the humans at MSNBC.   

That’s right. You could have knocked Crit over with a small rock. The anti-Neanderthalist caveman bashers at MSNBC, making pro-Neanderthal observations. Crit scratches his head and thinks (think too much hurts a lot now: Crit is perplexed and confused. World not make sense but Crit struggles to understand). “Maybe this has something to do with sidelining Olbermann and Matthews the other day. Maybe there really is some kind of evolutionary leap taking place over there at MSNBC,” Crit thinks.

Anyway, here the highlights that Hawks gathered from the Discovery article at MSNBC, so Crit doesn’t have to:

They may have been stronger, but Neanderthals looked, ate and may have even thought much like modern humans do, suggest several new studies that could help explain new evidence that the early residents of prehistoric Europe and Asia engaged in head-to-head combat with woolly mammoths.

And…

The researchers say their findings “reinforce the idea that Neanderthals were sophisticated hunters with an advanced ability to organize and communicate.”

And…

“When we think of Neanderthals, we need to stop thinking in terms of stupid or less advanced and more in terms of different,” he added.

Interesting. MSNBC/Discovery article says don’t underestimate the Neanderthals. Crit suddenly feel better. Crit filled with a sense of … Neanderthal pride.

Bummer about that Neanderthal extinction, Crit thinks. Even smart humans of today don’t know why that happened. Some evidence Neanderthals lived, maybe competed same place same time as humans. Then one day, 30,000 years ago or so, no more Neanderthals. Neanderthals, all gone.

Hmmm, Crit thinks, what happened to the knuckle-dragging low-brows? Did some slick, fast-talking human leader emerge? “Cave-hope, cave-change, blah blah blah. Neanderthals stuck on bad cave policies. Like ochre on a boar.” Then all the other cave humans start muttering among themselves. “Dumb Neanderthals for Land Bridge to Nowhere before they were against it. Neanderthals oppose Ice Age, want more fire. Neanderthal throwbacks want war, humans say kumbayah. Small-cave dwellers tote cudgels, cling to moon worship, fear others.” But the next thing you know, it was the Neanderthals who found themselves being poked with governmental spears, taxed over a cliff, legislated out of existence.  

Who knows? Crit thinks, same old saga, never changes. That scene on the cave wall could have been painted yesterday. Crit, exhausted by so many thoughts like bats that come flapping out of the back of the cave when sun go down, feels peckish now and thinks, ugh, any more of that red meat left in the cache?    

Meanwhile, in other cave business:

Huffpo-Magnon: Dumb Neanderthal queen stumped by clever human.

Cave P: Throwback thinks fire good.

Talking Clovis Points Memo: Warlike Neanderthals must be exterminated.

Australopithicus Sullivan: ABC not bash Neanderthal’s head hard enough!

Topics: Neanderthals, pols

  Posted by Jules Crittenden at 9:34 am on Friday, September 12, 2008

2 Responses to “Ugh Say Vote Palin”

1. David M Says:
   September 12th, 2008 at 11:26 am

   The Thunder Run has linked to this post in the - Web Reconnaissance for 09/12/2008 A short recon of what’s out there that might draw your attention, updated throughout the day…so check back often.

2. The_Real_JeffS Says:
   September 13th, 2008 at 11:02 am

   A preference for red meat may be the secret for not voting for empty suits.

Leave a Reply

Trackback URL

You must be logged in to post a comment.