A Jihadi In Love
I’d forgotten all about it, but maybe … because the Obama administration is gonna be all about the love … it’s time to dust this idea off. My original proposal seems to have disappeared, but here’s a partial web grab. Whitney Houston, we have a problem:
A Jihadi in Love
By Jules Crittenden/ Online Exclusive
Boston Herald City Editor
Tuesday, August 22, 2006 - Updated: 01:28 PM ESTOK, here’s the plan.
Agent Whitney, all rehabbed and trained up in spy stuff, gets
dispatched to Waziristan, on the Pak-Afghan border. Agent Whitney
and a suitcase full of CDs and Playboy magazines, maybe some devil
water in a jug marked XXX, will be the bait. Infidel helicopter drops
Agent Whitney down in the middle of some rocky Waziri valley. She
cranks “I Will Always Love You” on the boombox and starts filing her
nails.In his cave, Osama hears the plaintive notes of his angel, a siren
song calling him forth. He floats through the air, like Yogi to a pickinick
basket, like Bugs to a carrot. He espies his love. Thumpa-thumpa,
big cartoon heart tries to jump out of his chest. Little stars blink in his
eyes.
And this is the compromised state Osama is in when Agent Bobby
Brown, debts cleared by the United States government, jumps out and
administers the disabling Kung Fu kick, a karate chop, HI YAH!
Or maybe he just takes Osama aside for a little man-to-man about
what life with La Whitney is really like …
… and when Osama’s jaw drops, Agent Bobby lobs in a big fizzing cartoon stick of TNT. You know the drill. Osama expands into a massive Osama balloon, eyes bugged out,
KABLOOEY! Lots of smoke, it clears, and there’s Osama like burnt
toast with his hair and his dishtowel all sticking out. Loonie toons
theme comes up as Osama, with a bag over his head, strapped
down in a C-5A cargo hold, jets off into a Gitmo sunset.
Not so farfetched as it seems. Here’s the original news from 2006 about Osama lusting in his heart. Daily Mail:
Terror mastermind Osama bin Laden is so obsessed with singer Whitney Houston he thought about killing her husband, Bobby Brown, it was claimed last night.
The suggestion is made by Sudanese poet and novelist Kola Boof, who claims she was bin Laden’s sex slave for four months 10 years ago.
In her autobiography, Diary of a Lost Girl, she writes: “He told me Whitney Houston was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.”
Boof, 37, who claims bin Laden raped her and held her prisoner in a Moroccan hotel, says he could not stop talking about the songbird, even though he disapproved of music.
“Osama kept coming back to Whitney Houston,” she says in the book, excerpted in the magazine Harpers’ Bazaar. “He asked if I knew her personally when I lived in America. I told him I didn’t.
“He said that he had a paramount desire for Whitney Houston, and although he claimed music was evil he spoke of someday spending vast amounts of money to go to America and try to arrange a meeting with the superstar.
“It didn’t seem impossible to me. He said he wanted to give Whitney Houston a mansion that he owned in a suburb of Khartoum.
“He explained to me that to possess Whitney he would be willing to break his colour rule and make her one of his wives.
“Whitney Houston’s name was the one that would be mention constantly.
“How beautiful she was, what a nice smile she has, how truly Islamic she is but is just brainwashed by American culture and by her husband Bobby Brown, whom Osama talked about having killed, as if it were normal to have women’s husbands killed.”
Boof, who once claimed she had to take her son out of a Los Angeles school after rumours surfaced that bin Laden was his father, also claims the Al Qaeda mastermind read more than the Koran.
“In his briefcase I would come across photographs of the Star magazine, as well as copies of Playboy,” she writes.
She also says his favourite television shows were The Wonder Years, Miami Vice and MacGyver.
You can laugh, but Bobby took it seriously. “Osama wanted me dead.”
Topics: al qaeda
Posted by Jules Crittenden at 12:27 pm on Friday, November 7, 2008
Leave a Reply
Trackback URLYou must be logged in to post a comment.
