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Valkyrie For War Czar

Hillary’s being floated now for Secretary of State. And as entertaining as the idea of sticking that in career backbench ditherer John Kerry’s face is, here’s another idea. Make her Oberreichskriegssturmfuhrer.  Or … to put it somewhat more Kumbayahishly … War Czar.

No, I’m not talking about that admiral or whatever he was that was declared war czar, stuck in a closet somewhere to push paper around, and never heard from again. And I’m not talking about that other toothless bureaucratic sinecure, Secretary of Defense. I’m talking about the position of supreme command that was singlehandedly carved out of craggy granite on some Godforsaken, wind-whipped mountaintop by the widely despised and feared Dick Cheney under the hated Chimpy McHitlerburton regime. 

Here’s the deal.

We all know Clintons in positions of executive power historically view war as something that should be fought with a missile here, a missile there, or in limited, extreme circumstances by the United States Air Force, and that in the event of blood actually being shed, all operations should be immediately terminated and forces extricated in the most humiliating way possible, with strategy to be determined by regular polling. However, that was the 1990s, and we also know that in the post-9/11 era, Clinton briefly grew a set and strongly favored invading the heck out of belligerents who had made her husband look like an ineffective skirt-chaser. It was only the prospect of being president herself that made Hillary turn into a peacenik, but we know from the Democratic primary that Hillary does not give up.

She will gouge the eyeballs out of anyone who stands in her way.

News reports indicate we are being increasingly quagmirized by a bunch of 19th-century dishcloth-wearing savages in the rocky passes of the Hindu Kush, with al-Qaeda thumbing its aquiline nose from across the border in Waziristan, and the mullahs of Iran insisting on becoming a world-class nuisance, not to mention the Putinistas getting all Cold War, buzzing our remote Pacific islands, forcing our NATO allies to scramble their jets, and stomping jackbooted over two-bit ex-SSRs, while the ChiCom are building up their fleet … and here we are stuck here with an administration that wants all those snarling Klingons to like us better.

Is there any reason to think President Obama, strongly jut-jawed though he is and given to steady gazes, is really up to facing off any of these adversaries, when he started whining “no fair” the minute anyone questioned his policies or his statements or his decades of hanging around with America-bashing wackjobs? 

I don’t think so. It’s not a pretty picture, but we’ve got four long years of this ahead, and we need to make the best of it. Because Hillary hates Obama for depriving her of that which was rightfully hers, she can be relied on to subvert all of his limp-handshake peace overtures. And because preliminary indications are the Obama administration may be waking up to the reality that its World Peace Now agenda doesn’t stand a chance, having Hillary snarling at the end of a long leash would allow Obama to continue speaking softly, and shrug sheepishly, “Hey, that’s Hillary, what can I say?” whenever she rips anything to shreds. 

This is why I am imploring the Obama administration to unbolt Hillary from whatever Democratic dungeon she’s been strapped down in for the last three months, and inform that hard, pipe-hitting pol that her job is to get medieval on America’s enemies. And give her the leather girdle, the zipper mask, the whip, the pliers and the blowtorch to do it with.

Related:

Reynolds on The Man Who Would Be Cheney … ha ha, silly little hairplugged man.

UPDATE: Latest reports suggest Hill’s getting State. What a bummer. When America is in harm’s way, we should be able to count on the Hero of Tuzla!

Allah at Hot Air, thinking somewhat along the same lines, welcomes the news. But I think what Allah is really trying to say, as he expresses his astonishment with his own reaction and explains his reasons, is …Valkyrie for War Czar!

Topics: Clintons, Obama

  Posted by Jules Crittenden at 9:17 am on Friday, November 14, 2008

6 Responses to “Valkyrie For War Czar”

1. Gerard Van der Leun Says:
   November 14th, 2008 at 11:58 am

   “she’s been strapped down”

   It would have been wrong to have recast that and worked it in as “strapped on,” but I would have respected you more if you’d found a way.

2. Jules Crittenden Says:
   November 14th, 2008 at 12:10 pm

   Damn it, Captain, I’m just a tabloid scribbler, not William Burroughs. I dinna think the dilithium crystals can handle it!

3. RebeccaH Says:
   November 14th, 2008 at 1:13 pm

   As much as I dislike having any Clinton back in power, you might have a point there. An eyeball-less Ahmadinejad is a comforting thought. As is a newly castrated Vladimir.

4. Fatty Bolger Says:
   November 14th, 2008 at 3:45 pm

   Cry ‘Havoc,’ and let slip the Hilldebeasts of war!

5. TheBigHenry Says:
   November 18th, 2008 at 4:33 pm

   Pardon my ignorance, Jules, but are you alluding to any specific established position within the Executive Branch when you talk about “War Czar” as “supreme command”? Or am I just hopelessly out of the loop of some in-joke? Just curious.

6. Consul-At-Arms Says:
   November 20th, 2008 at 1:35 am

   If I un-compound that pretend-German word, it works out to something like “supreme imperial war assault leader.”

   This would take good-cop, bad-cop to a whole new level.

   I’ve quoted you and linked to you here: http://consul-at-arms.blogspot.com/2008/11/re-valkyrie-for-war-czar.html

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