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How To Carve A Turkey Like A Man

Blog like a man, carve like a man: Maggie’s Farm, where dogs are dogs, women are women, men are men,*  and everything else is livestock or rusting farm machinery. I didn’t even click through, I’m that secure in the manliness of my knife wielding. Here’s the thing. Get a big-ass knife. You have a big-ass knife, right?

Sharpen your big-ass knife confidently, carelessly, with one of those long scary sharpening things that looks like someone’s going to get a finger off. Slice. It’s that simple. Electric carvers verboten. What are you, some kind of girly carver? Real men eat dark meat, by the way. Arrrrr!

OK, clicked through. They have full traditional grandma cooking instructions and tips, illustrated with a 1950s “Dad” carving shot, and some Oklahoma BBQ champ on vid with the carving instructions. You’re already not a man if you need all that. Everyone looks sober, too. This is more like, how not to be a complete moron while cooking and carving, while still retaining full geekiness. If that’s you, click in.

Bonus point: What’s wrong with that picture up there? Right, the electric burner. Real men cook with fire. Yeah, that’s right. Real men cook. Real men probably also kill their own food like Sarah Palin. Yeah, well, except for the occasional lobster into the pot my slaughtering days are pretty much behind me.

Also via Maggie’s Farm, a Thanksgiving quiz and some old school churchy farmy goodness. I only got 11 out of 20, but how the heck am I supposed to know how many feathers turkerys have or where my food is grown? As for how fast they run and fly, there’s a flock of about 25 roaming the neighborhood and I see them do that all the time. I guess the fact that nothing’s chasing them except occasionally my bulldog threw me off.

* And if they know what’s good for them, they do what Maggie says. Hey, how come I can’t get a gender analysis on Maggie’s Farm?

Topics: America, food, men

  Posted by Jules Crittenden at 10:51 am on Sunday, November 23, 2008

6 Responses to “How To Carve A Turkey Like A Man”

1. RebeccaH Says:
   November 23rd, 2008 at 11:12 am

   Leftover turkey for Black Friday:

   Shred leftover turkey and pile on flour tortilla. Throw in leftover veggies, some shredded cheese (I prefer sharp cheddar), and dose with salsa (I like hot, but mild will do). Toss in some chopped jalapeños if you’re adventurous. Roll up, put in shallow baking dish, top with a little more salsa and cheese (or not), and bake until hot.

   Tex-Mex turkey style.

2. J.M. Heinrichs Says:
   November 23rd, 2008 at 5:45 pm

   This is so-last-month.

   Cheers

3. Jules Crittenden Says:
   November 23rd, 2008 at 5:51 pm

   What do Canadians give thanks for, anyway? Being next to us?

4. The_Real_JeffS Says:
   November 23rd, 2008 at 9:47 pm

   What do Canadians give thanks for, anyway?

   For not being next to Europe. I think.

5. Grimmy Says:
   November 23rd, 2008 at 10:18 pm

   Real men eat turkey from a can. They EAT it with the knife.

6. Robert Says:
   November 23rd, 2008 at 10:52 pm

   Knives are for loosers. Real men use aHuskie.

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