Putting On The Sitz
Better late than never. It was World Toilet Day Nov. 19. I let it go at the time.* But now squatters are back in the news. The la-di-da loos of Times Square. AP via Boston Herald. I’m inspired:
Have you seen the well-to-do
Up and down Park Avenue
On that famous thoroughfare
Wondering where …High hats and narrow collars
White spats and lots of dollars
Spending every dime
Running out of timeNow, if you’re due
And you don’t know where to go to
Why don’t you go where fashion rips
Puttin on the Sitz
Attendants who wear a tux
and the commode is ultra-deluxe
with TV for dimwits
Puttin on the SitzDressed up like a million dollar trooper
Trying hard to look like Gary Cooper
Super-pooper!
* As a result of my upbringing and subsequent career, I am able to hold forth at some length on multi-cultural scatology, geo-sanitational politics and astonishing facilities I have known on several continents and international hot-spots, with wild tales of relief that involve exotic dangerous wildlife, hostile fire, all that kind of thing. The places I’ve been, the things I’ve seen. But my wife says it’s too much information. All I can say is that World Toilet Day is no joke. Take a minute to think about how the other three-quarters squats. And if we missed Toilet Day, at least the seat was up. Ha ha ha! I crack myself up.
Only one problem, the Singapore-based World Toilet Organization isn’t just about bringing the good works of civilization to everyone, a cause we could all get behind. No, they want to get into your bathroom, and talk to you about your habits. The flush toilet has been deemed unsustainable. Yeah, it involves a tax, like all good social do-goodism. It’s a movement tax movement. (You know, I could probably tell WTO founder Jack Sims a thing or two about unsustained toilets. Try invading a city of 8 million people when the municipal water supply is down, dude).
Topics: ancient mysteries, assorted shit, butts, culture, deep thot, do-goodism, dummkopf!, elsewhere, engineering, explosives, ground views, law & order, moronocy, pot, science, shameless opportunism, song, taxes, western civilization
Posted by Jules Crittenden at 9:07 am on Monday, November 24, 2008
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