Managing Your Greenwald Relationship
The Other McCain has been graced with a Greenwald citation. High honor. If you wish to continue to be mentioned by the (throughly self-documented) great one, it is important that you avoid a few pitfalls. No references to that unfortunate “sockpuppet” affair. Greenwald has an ego so big, the extensive self-adulation of his “about” and the real estate at Salon being insufficient to the task, it has required other online identities to fully express it.
I’d suggest you also avoid out-and-out mockery, as despite being a constitutional lawyer and purportedly bestselling author … “American Morons: Takes One To Know One,” ”A Constitutional Argument For Hanging George Bush By His Thumbs” and “How Would a Patriot Act? How Would I Know?” something like that — apparently people actually buy this stuff … Greenwald is very thin-skinned. You probably also, given the preening, don’t want to make any references to what an unattractive man, with the complexion, general appearance and all the appeal of a lump of clay, Greenwald is. Or that he has a physique strangely reminiscent of Gumby. That would be hurtful, and childish.
The “eff you, Glenn Greenwald” probably already has you out of his good graces, though you never know. Greenwald himself, as a higher functioning lefty, more literate than the run-of-the-mill, doesn’t generally resort to pottymouth as a form of political expression to the extent his fellow travelers do. But as a leading luminary shining in their otherwise largely scatological sky, he may actually mistake it for an argument.
Like flattery, however, the best form of mockery is imitation, and I’d suggest that you adopt the windy style of Greenwald, and produce long dissertations that don’t have to make any sense at all, starting off with a gratuitous reference to his status as a constitutional lawyer in New York, and repeating that and his bestseller status throughout. Between those references, I’d hazard, you can say just about anything you want and he won’t notice.
In short, don’t do what I did. As the following posts demonstrate, advice is something that one gives but does not necessarily follow:
Lacking Even The Ethics of a Journalist
I haven’t managed a Greenwald mention in nearly two years, not since he was toiling away like a commoner in … blogspot. I’d like to thank him for spelling my name correctly at that time, correctly stating my relationship with cousins Danielle and David, and in retrospect, delightfully underscoring with superlatives the fact that I was right. President Bush with that Jan. 9, 2007 speech did show us the way forward in Iraq, and now we are there. Just ask Barack Obama, with whom we share a sense of celebratory joy.
Welcome Instapundit, etal. Always so good to see you. It’s snowing out, time to settle in with A Combat Vet’s Reading List. Christmas is coming, be glad you’re not spending it in the Bulge. Or in the sand. Remember the guys and gals who are out there for you. In other business, howzabout a big siegheil for Jerry Brown … California Über Alles!
Posted by Jules Crittenden at 8:50 am on Friday, December 19, 2008
8 Responses to “Managing Your Greenwald Relationship”
Leave a Reply
Trackback URLYou must be logged in to post a comment.
December 19th, 2008 at 10:59 am
One of the few bright spots of Obama’s ascension, er, ah, I mean, election, to the White House is watching the marginalization of the nutroots. Time for more popcorn!
December 19th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
Who’s Glenn Greenwald?
December 19th, 2008 at 8:47 pm
Glenn Greenwald is a parody of, Glenn Greenwald.
December 19th, 2008 at 11:58 pm
Gleen Greenwald vs Antony Loewenstein … choices, choices …
Cheers
December 20th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
Please, take back the comparison to Gumby. How dare you insult one of my favorite green thingies. And not a word about Pokey, either.
December 20th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
I always email to “Rick Ellensburg” to pull his chain.
Rick Ellensburg, of course was his sock puppet name.
Or you could go with Socky Sockpuppet
Or spell his name wrong Glen Grenwalt
Here was one of my exchanges with him:
Yes, only experts can read polls. After all, there are all those numbers.
Maybe you can get a seventh-grader to help you figure them out. (ed. I have a masters in stats and do market research)
Here’s a start - when more than 50% of people want X, it means that “a majority want X.”
Hope that helps.
—– Original Message —–
From:
To: GGreenwald@salon.com
Sent: Monday, April 02, 2007 9:11 PM
Subject: stick to what you’re good at
which is sock puppetry.
Leave the polls to the experts
December 20th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
[...] perhaps passe, being such an obvious and easy target. But damn it, it’s so much FUN… as Jules demonstrates so well: The Other McCain has been graced with a Greenwald citation. High honor. If you wish to [...]
December 20th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
Back when I first started cocktail blogging, I started including a Greenwald sock puppet in my posts. He has a life of his own now; like Glen, I can’t get rid of him!
It’s sad. None of my regular reader have any idea why this recurring character is marked by a picture of a sock puppet!