It’s The Vapid Insufferability, Stupid
Now it starts. Day One, I’m in Starbucks. (You may have heard of it. It’s where we Eastern elites get our lattes, and wish we were cooler and on the West Coast. Decor, Corporate Gaian Vaguely Polytheist J. Peterman. They have their own language in there. All that and killer coffee. Not sure whether it’s eco-friendly or nice to third-worlders. Don’t care.) Anyway, the barista (professional coffee jerk) was kibbitzing (gabbing) with an lefty old bag (lefty old bag) at the counter.
“Today is such a great day.”
“It is such a great day.”
“It’s my birthday! I can’t believe it’s my birthday! Best birthday in nine years!”
“It’s been a long nine years.”
I’ve already got my three one-pound sacks of exotic beans, freshly ground, which should keep me and the wife cranked for about a week and a half. Also, my own “vente bold.” I finally gave in about a year ago and started cheerfully saying “vente,” which means “large” in “Starbucks,” because the tattooed punk-do’d “baristas” are generally too alternatively cute not to go along with it. Even the gay guy ones. Don’t want to hurt their feelings by not playing along, and they’re handling what I’m about to drink, after all. The fact is, Starbucks is so good I’ll say “Grande Monkey Spew Crapachino, please” if that’s what I have to do to get it. Anyway, I’m waiting for the wife’s “skinny Vanilla latte.” And I’m thinking, “It’s eight years, you Obamist twits. Can’t you people count? I’d better check my receipt again.” But I don’t say anything.
“Yesterday was so great.”
“It really was great. What a great day.”
“Wasn’t it great how the whole nation rose to the occasion?”
“The majority of us, anyway, not everyone. Ha ha ha.”
“More than 50 percent, anyway. Ha ha ha.”
Maybe that was for my benefit. I’m thinking, “Uh, excuse me, I’m standing right here, two feet away.” Of course, there was no reason they should know they were yapping on next to a frothing rightwing warmonger/unrepentant repeat Bush voter with a mild case of PTSD who incidentally looted the heck out of Baghdad while his GI buddies were shooting big holes in the place. Unless somewhat tightly wound, terse, no affect and Terminator wraparounds is code for something and I don’t know about it, and I’ve been putting off more hostile crazy Cheney accolyte than I necessarily intended. What would one of those be doing in Starbucks anyway … shouldn’t Trogboy be down the block at Dunks?
I’m thinking, “You know, I didn’t just shell out 30-odd bucks to listen to you two dingbats babble on about your precious Messiah.” But I don’t say anything unpleasant. Don’t want to crap on their gushfest. It’s their Day One. In fact, I’m more tempted to put on a big grin and chime in, “Gosh, it really was great, wasn’t it? … What a bangup end to eight great years! Don’t you love the way Bush went out with his head high, even with the catcalls from the peanut gallery? I am so grateful that man was our president in such difficult times. Nice to see the other side get a chance, though. Wicked historic. I hope the young fella doesn’t screw it up. You know, Iraq and stuff!”
But I don’t. I try to be polite and mind my own business, most of the time. I usually avoid mocking random strangers or frankly, even speaking to them if I don’t have to, and as a rule avoid engaging store clerks on politics. One of the hallmarks of Obamism and BDS in general, though, is the assumption that everyone else shares your view and wants to talk about it. Around here, anyway.
One of my lefty pals at work was trying to rub it in on Inauguration Day.
“So, you happy today?”
“Yeah, of course I’m happy,” I snapped. “Whaddayou think?”
Actually, I have been. I dunno about you, but I always try to look on the bright side, even of stuff I might be kicking the crap out of. Incredibly significant, yet routine transfer of power. Impossible not to be impressed by the inherent greatness of this country, no matter how you feel about the politics of the matter. Impossible not to be moved by the experience of black Americans, seeing this unimagineable moment unfold. The Age of Bush-bash finally at an end. I’ll admit I got a little wistful about that part. And I figure if this nation could survive four years of Jimmy Carter … well, the 30 Years War and counting has been a bit of an issue. I was also pretty happy that no dumbass white supremacist skinheads tried anything stupid. At least let us get through the inauguration before you force the Secret Service to throw more of your bigot asses in jail.
The city desk of a major metropolitan rightwing tabloid can be a pretty harsh environment. There’s a lot of political diversity, for one thing. There’s also a lot of give and take … OK, sophomoric attacks on everyone’s personal failings, idiosyncrasies, what have you … and you learn to roll with it. One of my pals, a bonafide 1960s draftdodger and raging socialist, spent the summer earnestly yapping on about how smart Obama was and how he was the embodiment of Martin Luther King’s dream. He spent the fall gleefully repeating Tina Fey routines. I largely stuck to collegial small talk.
“So … uh … all wacked out on change?”
“How’s that hope thing working out for you, anyway?”
“Now, tell me. Does that Rev. Wright thing make Obama a bigot or just bigot tolerant?”
That kind of thing. Though I’ll admit breaking news can bring on a certain rhapsodic exuberance.
“OBAMA SAVED THE PEOPLE ON THAT PLANE! I SEE THAT NOW!”
I try to keep the mockery among friends, maybe offering a little of it gratis to a handful of special dolts on the Internet. But if Starbucks’ corporate practice and the new American public discourse is going to continue to be about annoying me in the morning with insufferably vapid Obama gush, I may need to reconsider that policy.
Posted by Jules Crittenden at 10:35 am on Thursday, January 22, 2009
16 Responses to “It’s The Vapid Insufferability, Stupid”
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January 22nd, 2009 at 1:08 pm
I do so look forward to learning about how to view the world from the point of view of a barrista who probably is not very well-read. But he must believe himself to be very upper-crusty.
To think that I could have saved oodles of money, time and labor by not going to college and listening to coffee dude!
Actually a coffee dude could be cool if he defied the conventional wisdom. But not at your Starbucks.
Stop and Shop supermarkets sell Starbucks, whole bean or ground. Does a cashier really have the free time to chat about the inauguration while working? I don’t think so.
Plan B - order coffee by mail. Plan C- Try Mystic Monk coffee. http://www.mysticmonkcoffee.com/. I’ts recommended by the Anchoress and it’s wonderful stuff..
January 22nd, 2009 at 1:18 pm
“One of the hallmarks of Obamism and BDS in general, though, is the assumption that everyone else shares your view and wants to talk about it. Around here, anyway.”
Yea, around here too (Durham, NC). No dearth of stupid f*cks anywhere, I bet.
January 22nd, 2009 at 2:05 pm
But if Starbucks’ corporate practice and the new American public discourse is going to continue to be about annoying me in the morning with insufferably vapid Obama gush, I may need to reconsider that policy.
Not to worry. I think the Obama gush isn’t going to last longer than a year, maybe not that long.
January 22nd, 2009 at 2:23 pm
Well, I don’t suppose we can agree on everything… I like Peet’s.
I will drink Starbucks coffee (better than average, but over-roasted in my non-humble opinion) but I absolutely refuse to use their lingo. I don’t care if they look daggers at me, I order a small coffee or a large one. Do the translation on your end, dude.
The Invisible Conservative thing is very weird. The fact that it doesn’t occur to liberals that anyone could possibly disagree with them is almost as creepy as the stuff they believe.
January 22nd, 2009 at 5:21 pm
“The Age of Bush-bash finally at an end.”
I must respectfully suggest that no such thing is about to transpire. There’s no slacking of bashing anywhere I’ve been- I was even assaulted at breakfast in a snack shop at 6am the other day- the tradesmans’ most sacred moment of the day, and this Cook County employee-cretin launched a soaring “good riddance” elocution that drove me to almost read my Chicago Tribune.
I must also add that if you think the Hopium addicts’ insufferability is bad over there, try spending a day in Daleystan (as it’s called here by non-believers, all two hundred of us).
In fact, I apparently didn’t even have a comprehension of the meaning of the word “insufferable” until November 4th, 2008.
Meanwhile, my brother and I are having T-shirts printed to give the Hopiums the willies:
“1-20-2013
SARAH!”
January 22nd, 2009 at 6:22 pm
You have to love it when the old hippie leftovers commiserate with the totally clueless.
I too reside in Daleystan (thanks for the update, Zeller!) and actually heard somebody say on yesterday that they thought tHE oNE was better suited for his new office because he had endured Chicago politics. That’s like saying that a money manager is better suited for taking care of your business because he had been a bank robber previously.
January 22nd, 2009 at 10:03 pm
“One of my lefty pals at work was trying to rub it in on Inauguration Day.”
I’ve noticed that sort of behavior too. Neither I nor my conservative friends ever taunted our liberal friends, but enough of them felt free to taunt us. (Needless to say that sort of behavior helps one to know who is a real friend.)
January 22nd, 2009 at 10:34 pm
Well,
I have a very strong suspicion that by the end of these four years, many of us will be able to look back on the Carter administration as a golden age of foreign relations and economic prosperity.
Up here in the People’s Republic of Maine, with virtually all the newspapers and TV stations owned by the leftists, the brainwashing is in full-on mode. It’s a sort of Stalinization of the public, although, to my eyes, it’s more like Mao’s red brigades gearing up to start a new Cultural Revolution. I kid you not when I fully expect to see a “Little Blue Book” of Obama’s saying published in the near future. Prolly be mandatory study and recitation by rote for public school kids.
Sigh… I least I can still afford bourbon.
January 23rd, 2009 at 3:16 am
Sarah; When conservatives sigh and say oh well, bourbon and hide behind the Chicago Tribune, how can you blame them for thinking they own the world? If somebody gave me Obama guff at 6AM, police would have to be called.
January 23rd, 2009 at 7:04 am
You have lefty pals!!! I won’t have them in the house.
January 23rd, 2009 at 9:15 am
Try Dunkin’ Donuts. They have good coffee.
January 23rd, 2009 at 9:34 am
You make a good point, Norm.
I do generally try to speak up in any situation in which my silence might be taken for agreement. The polite version of this is to leave the room–I did this at a Christmas party with family friends.
It’s harder in public, though, with strangers. Perhaps we could compare notes on great lines to use in this situation. If Jules is going to keep going to Starbucks, he may need the material.
January 23rd, 2009 at 10:48 am
I’m going to pretend that you start your working day at Starbucks and that drinking lattes is like deep cover for wingnut journalists.
January 23rd, 2009 at 11:23 am
“Of course, there was no reason they should know they were yapping on next to a frothing rightwing warmonger/unrepentant repeat Bush voter with a mild case of PTSD who incidentally looted the heck out of Baghdad while his GI buddies were shooting big holes in the place. ”
One would think it would be obvious, but I was flummoxed to learn that you traded at Starbucks. I assumed Bostonians guzzled Dunkin Donuts when not freebasing French “Crawlahs,” or whatever they’re called in the accent of bean eating Ben Afflek clones.
Sox suck. Go Yanks.
January 23rd, 2009 at 2:29 pm
I understand the Yankees wear pinstripes because it helps them with their wannabe thug attitudes. Gives them that sort of chain-gang look. :)
I’ll give Jules the benefit of the doubt about Stabucks and imagine he was there in mufti for a story he’s working on. I can’t stand the place. Hard to find a place to stand with all the egos in there taking up so much space. Besides that, who names their business after a character from Battlestar Galactica? Frikkin left-coast dirt-worshiping hippie scumbag morons, that’s who.
Sox rule. Yankees drool… :)
January 25th, 2009 at 1:59 am
I am among those for whom Starbucks acts as a particularly powerful purgative. Can’t take it. If you want a really fine, smooth brew, I recommend Gevalia.