Jump-Shark Waterboarded!
As shockjock Mancow, with a listener-voted waterboarding experiment, definitively establishes that it is torture. With multiple lefty endorsements, it’s the definitive shark-jumping torture determination! NBC Chicago:
“It is way worse than I thought it would be, and that’s no joke,”Mancow said, likening it to a time when he nearly drowned as a child. “It is such an odd feeling to have water poured down your nose with your head back…It was instantaneous…and I don’t want to say this: absolutely torture.”
“I wanted to prove it wasn’t torture,” [an apparently healthy and unharmed, momentarily discomforted] Mancow said. “They cut off our heads, we put water on their face…I got voted to do this but I really thought ‘I’m going to laugh this off.’ “
Cutting off heads is probably a little different. But now Mancow knows what it’s like to be an American fighter pilot or a special ops soldier. Well, not exactly, because his dunking aside, he hasn’t endured a minute of what your average American warrior has had to just getting ready for war, let alone fighting it in the last eight years.
Anyway, the waterboarding debate has officially jumped the shark. Not that that means it’s run it’s course. Like any good cultural obsession, it needs to get dragged out for a while longer, if it wants to rightfully earn its place in the Pet Rock Hall of Fame. A few more late-night TV jokes. Seriously, though, Hitchens did it, but I don’t think there has been nearly enough self-waterboarding to prove exactly how unpleasant this is. I vote for a mass Code Pink waterboarding. Extensive Kos waterboarding would also be good. Anybody who voted for Obama … glug glug. OK, first-time caller, long-time listener, I also vote for the continued pillorying of Nancy Pelosi. Anyone else who gives a damn that Abu Zubaydah and Khalid Sheikh Mohammad got dunked seven years ago and doesn’t give a damn about the security of the United States and has forgotten that 3,000 people were burned, crushed, vaporized or fell to their deaths eight years ago … strap ‘em down!
More shark-jumpage spotted: via Huffington Post, Jesse Ventura says he’ll waterboard Sean Hannity, get him to say “Obama is the greatest president ever!” Heck Jesse Ventura could probably do that with a headlock.
Dowd muse aka Josh Marshall at TalkingPointsMemo: See, I told you it was torture. Swaggering righty Mancow just said so. (Look for this insight in an NYT column near you in, say three days or so).
Taylor Marsh: “Hannity, your (sic) next.”
Here’s a good one. The potty-mouthed communications instructor at a university that must not be named is also sick of the waterboarding torture debate, and thinks the Mancow exercise was silly. After all:
… if he thought that was torture, think what the real deal must be like. You are snatched out of nowhere, flown across the world, kept awake for days on end in a freezing room with little food, woken every time you fall asleep on your metal bed, thrown against the wall with that lovely procedure known as collaring, slapped, had dogs threatening you, yelled at and beaten, and so on and so forth. That goes on for a couple weeks to soften you up, then you are dragged by multiple burly men and waterboarded repeatedly. You have no dead man’s switch like Hitchens did, you have no “safe” word to stop the process, there are no cameras and friends there to make sure you are alright.
Actually, that should be “all right,” communications instructor boy. But look at it this way. When it’s all over, you still have your head and your day in court, and to judge by Khalid Sheikh Mohammad’s recent performance, your attitude and grandstanding capabilities are left intact!
So it turns out this all comes down to a matter of semantics … with semi-literacy and poor usage, but never mind that. Everyone needs to be subjected to dunkings, stress positions, an endless loop of lefty denunciations, until they say uncle, admit it’s torture. OK, semantics plus televised hearings and prosecutions. And lots of yuks. As long as we’re all have a good national laugh, remember who else is enjoying the joke while we are wasting our time with this.
As long as we’re on the subject, here’s more on the waterboarding of Barack Obama over his soft-on-tough-on-terrorism approach:
Financial Times: Gitmo = Gordian Knot
Dick Morris, NY Post re terrorists in US prisons: It’s not the fear they might escape, stupid. It’s the fear idiot lefty judges will free them. Or put them in general population where they can inspire a new generation of man-caused disasterists.
Taranto at WSJ on America’s traditional criminal universities as breeding grounds for violent jihad. Obama’s idea … introdcue graduate level seminars!
Malkin: the Jihadi virus in our jails.
Isikoff at Newsweek: Friendly Fire at the White House!
Protein Wisdom: Left on left rage! See Vermontaigne below with a great idea in comments. Pay per view MSM talking head waterboarding!
Re Nancy’s soft-on-terror-after-she-was-tough-on-terror approach:
Hot Air, Pelosi stands by her smear.
No worries. Gateway: Corrupt media goes to bat for Pelosi.
Meanwhile, Surber on the grand Obamain strategic vision:
President Obama explains 9/11 to the Class of 2009 at the Naval Academy: “When America strays from our values, it not only undermines the rule of law, it alienates us from our allies, it energizes our adversaries and it endangers our national security and the lives of our troops.”
The part I liked from that speech was the gratuitous Bush-bash: “As long as I am your commander-in-chief, I will only send you into harm’s way when it is absolutely necessary.” Put another way, more jaw jaw, less war war. I’m sure the Iranians are glad to hear it.
Posted by Jules Crittenden at 8:35 am on Saturday, May 23, 2009
7 Responses to “Jump-Shark Waterboarded!”
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May 23rd, 2009 at 9:47 am
OK, waterboarding is torture. So what? Have I told you how little I care about whether or not KSM a was tortured.
May 23rd, 2009 at 10:08 am
Let’s have a big party where we get all the MSM talking heads to waterboard each other! Pay per view bonanza!
May 23rd, 2009 at 11:12 am
I’ll PAY to watch MSNBC’s Herr Ubermann undergo that trauma.
May 23rd, 2009 at 6:04 pm
The part I liked from that speech was the gratuitous Bush-bash: “As long as I am your commander-in-chief, I will only send you into harm’s way when it is absolutely necessary.”
Translation: I will only send you into harm’s way when I have let things get so out of control that I don’t have any choice, and by that time, your chances of victory/survival are greatly reduced.
May 24th, 2009 at 8:32 am
I vote that we egg Mancow on to experiment with traditional “torture” methods and see if there’s a valid comparison. If he needs help driving bamboo slivers under his nails, I’m happy to assist.
As funny as I think this post is, my heart goes out to the people who are really suffering around the world because they are really being tortured. Cigarettes to eyelids, electrodes to everywhere, animal and object rape, and more and worse. If their pain could be any worse, it would be so from the knowledge that we call a hazing prank torture to get ratings. I’m speaking of Mancow, Hitchens, Pelosi, and the lot, not the author of this blog.
May 24th, 2009 at 10:50 pm
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May 25th, 2009 at 3:06 am
I take issue with that last bit — those people didn’t “fall” to their deaths — they jumped. To quote a line from that 9/11 documentary: “How bad does it have to be up there for jumping to seem like the better option?”