Earth Treason
They have betrayed the planet, and they must suffer the fate of traitors!
Paul Krugman at NYT, on warmalism deniers:
So the House passed the Waxman-Markey climate-change bill. In political terms, it was a remarkable achievement.
But 212 representatives voted no. A handful of these no votes came from representatives who considered the bill too weak, but most rejected the bill because they rejected the whole notion that we have to do something about greenhouse gases.
And as I watched the deniers make their arguments, I couldn’t help thinking that I was watching a form of treason — treason against the planet.
At first I was wondering … if it’s such a great bill, how come only the pols who passed it think so? I keep hearing from warmalists that it was a watered-down sellout. Then there’s the science thing. Krugman invokes some unspecificed MIT brainiacs. Gaia really is doomed. So how come I keep hearing that it isn’t actually getting warmer, it’s getting cooler, and more and more scientists are willing to publicly say the data is skewed?
These were my thoughts.
But Krugman’s a lot smarter than me. Krugman you’ll recall was deeply disappointed that Obama’s stimulus plan wasn’t three times bigger. Because if $800 billion of hackery, pork and agenda-pushing is good, $2.4 trillion must be better. Who wants to argue with that logic? Krugman is also way ahead of the curve in thinking al Qaeda and Saddam weren’t such a big deal. Eight years later, it’s starting to look like they aren’t anymore. Think about it.
Now Krugman’s tossing around the word “treason.” Sounds scary at first, a little cavalier, even dangerous. Sounds like radical left-wing hate speech. It made me worried, because the Department of Homeland Security warned against extremist political hate speech, and I’m worried that the next time PETA throws paint on someone or Earth First spikes a tree or Bill Ayers blows something up or an Manson follower or Jody Foster fan or a Middle Eastern dictator or a vanful of Middle Eastern journalists in Florida or some anti-American Georgian of Armenian extraction tries to kill a Republican president, people will think it’s Krugman’s fault.
Let’s be real. Krugman is an august Nobel laureate, not some frothing populist wackjob. And it isn’t like total nutcases read the New York Times. DHS was very specific about the threat. It’s from radical right-wing extremists. You don’t have to worry about the left-wing kind. Anyway, Krugman isn’t the only Nobel laureate talking in dire terms about impending doom. Don’t forget Al Gore, who got a Nobel and an Academy Award.
With that kind of weight behind the anti-planet betrayal movement, I’m convinced. I’ve turned the corner. I’m ready to go “green,” but I’m not really interested in pussyfooting around. When someone like Krugman starts using the “T” word, that can only mean it’s time for radical action.
No, I don’t mean targeted hits on Earth-hating Republicans or truck bombs outside power plants. Don’t be ridiculous. That would be wrong. We’re talking about a law-enforcement problem, just like global jihad should have been during the Bush regime, before they liked us better. (Thank Gaia that’s behind us. Terrorism is so Bush era. As the Secretary of Homeland Security noted that ”man-caused disasters” are the real problem, and if betraying Earth isn’t a man-caused disasterist offense, I don’t know what is.) It has to be dealt with in a lawful manner.
So here’s the deal. It’s time to establish an International Climate-Change Tribunal that has the authority to deal with Earth treason witht eh full weight of international law. In Bali or someplace like that, tropical and green. Yeah, its far away and they’d run up some frequent flier miles shuttling back and forth, but it’s a lot nicer and more unspoiled and exotic in remote Third World resorts, plus the labor is cheaper. It’ll need a big office complex, conference center, hotel rooms and cabanas, plus gyms and pools with swim-up bars, and courtrooms and holding cells. Lots of waterskiing, parasailing, bars and strip clubs, too. They can engage the world’s greenest minds to make sure all that stuff’s green. Wicked green. With high-tech window panes, solar panels and a wind turbine or something like that. Totally eco-friendly, minimal carbon footprint and non-globalizationist.
How hard could it be to get the UN General Assembly to make the United States pay for that?
Here’s how it works. Traitors to the planet, once indicted by the tribunal, could be seized by any member state and taken to the international tribunal Bali to be held indefinitely while evidence and witnesses are gathered for trial. This kind of thing can take time and is legally complicated. It helps that the United States already has the authority to do this, since President Obama reaffirmed powers of extraordinary rendition and indefinite detention. So we’re ahead of the game, and you know they’ll expect us to do the heavy lifting, as usual. Hey, here’s an idea. They could build that thing in Guantanamo Bay, once all the unlawful torture victims have been liberated in the Bahamas. Erase the stain of Bushitlerism. It’s a win-win!
Damn, they should be paying me to come up with ideas like that. Back to the Earth traitors. This isn’t just about punishment. It’s about re-education. They would need to be lectured a lot, for long hours, under bright low-wattage eco-bulbs, about the damage they have done to the environment. Might want to play a lot of Pete Seeger and Peter Paul and Mary to soften them up. Strict Vegan diet to cleanse their systems. All copies of Ayn Rand, down the composting port-a-potty! (Anyone who didn’t demand George Bush’s prosecution should probably be waterboarded to see whether they think it’s torture or not, but that’s a separate matter.)
It would be nice to think all of that would be enough to bring everyone around, but not everyone is amenable to logic and persuasion. Recalcitrant denialists have to suffer the fate of all traitors. Once convicted by the tribunal, they will be drawn, quartered, and finally, when not quite dead yet, burned at the stake. No half-measures, not where loyalty to the planet is concerned.
There may have to be some carbon offset arrangement to cover that, but technically, burning an Earth traitor at a minimum should be a wash, carbon-wise. Over time, the facility could prove to be highly carbon negative, racking up all kinds of lucrative credits by torching anti-Gaiaists. When you are doing that kind of good, you’re more than offsetting any incidental environmental damage.
Same thing goes for Krugman. According to this University of Colorado recycling website, it takes 75,000 trees to print a Sunday edition of the New York Times. That sounds a little high, and we already know that we greens tend to skew our data a little, but let’s just say that for Krugman to accuse certain humans of betraying their planet, it spelled doomed for a heck of a lot of trees. Look, it was in a good cause. To save that forest, Krugman had to destroy it.
Topics: media, warmalism, western civilization
Posted by Jules Crittenden at 9:39 am on Tuesday, June 30, 2009
9 Responses to “Earth Treason”
Leave a Reply
Trackback URLYou must be logged in to post a comment.
June 30th, 2009 at 10:27 am
Is it too much to ask that “august Nobel laureates” like Paul Krugman actually have the courage of their convictions? Is it really too much to ask? ‘Jus sayin’.
I mean, if Krugman wasn’t a planet traitor then he’d submit all of his columns in longhand, on parchment, written with a quill pen, in soy-based ink. Then he would hand carry it by walking, or if he’s feeling saucy, by horse, to the offices of the New York Times. Anything less means he’s not serious about being green.
So tell me again, if Paul Krugman isn’t serious, why should I be?
To quote Geoge Carlin, “I’m just looking for a little consistency here.”
June 30th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
Ever get the feeling that Planet Earth is just one big interplanetary insane asylum?
June 30th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
“Krugman is an august Nobel laureate, not some frothing populist wackjob. And it isn’t like total nutcases read the New York Times.”
I’d definitely have to disagree with both those assertions.
Make that, strongly disagree.
June 30th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
And yes, Jules, I know you were snarkin’, buddy.
June 30th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
[...] Jun 30 2009 TrackBack Address. Hey, I think it’s nice that liberals have at long last found a form of treason they’re opposed to. Leave a [...]
June 30th, 2009 at 5:11 pm
You do realize that horses fart and belch don’t you? If Paul did it by horse he would have to be clotheslined.
Not to mention, parchment requires poor innocent sheep to be knocked off in the manufacturing process. Better he should chip it in stone on a weekly basis. Gaia doesn’t scream too loud when you rip her body bits out for the purpose of intellectual dissemination. No clay tablets though, he would have to burn a lot of some various kinds of fuel, especially on cloudy days, in order to get them dry enough to get to the office.
June 30th, 2009 at 10:26 pm
[...] Via Rasmussen, we see that a plurality of the population doesn’t like this bill (41%) and doesn’t think that it’ll help the economy (42%). That’s a lot of earth traitors. [...]
July 1st, 2009 at 3:04 am
[...] Via Rasmussen, we see that a plurality of the population doesn’t like this bill (41%) and doesn’t think that it’ll help the economy (42%). That’s a lot of Earth traitors. [...]
July 1st, 2009 at 1:02 pm
Treason Against the Planet
See, people like Krugman are for “science,” and “respect for science” and “returning science to the White House”, etc., etc., blah, blah, blah.
The actual 4.6 billion-year old planet, survivor of multitudes of asteroid hits, Milankovitch cycle changes, magnetic pole reversals, solar and cosmic radiation, myriad volcanic caldera collapses, mantle plume eruptions, etc., etc. doesn’t give a rat’s ass about a few degrees Celsius or what idiots like Krugman think.
“1984″ was apparently deferred a few years.