By George, I think He’s Got It
“Basil” reports back on his British Fourth of July celebration, after reading yesterday’s Fourth of Old Blighty post:
Ha ha ha ha ha! Laughed so much a bit of wee came out!
This “Basil” sounds like the kind of chap I’d like to share a bowl of tripe and onions with. What a smart fellow; de-crying any group of people with guns, tanks and bombs as a force for peace!
Anyway, had a wonderful Fourth. I slipped the theme tune to Team America on our iPod playlist to my great amusement when less refined people than myself scowled at the ”America! F**k yeah! Comin’ again to save the motherf**king day, yeah!” moment.
My pulled pork was a runaway success - just like they make it in the old country. My burgers also went down a storm. I embellished them with plenty of onion, garlic, worcestershire sauce and cumin - as per the recipe I was given. I made them “man-size” so that people didn’t need to eat again for the rest of the day. Nice.
The only thing missing was a loud American to barrel in with a beard and gun to demand we hand over our oil…. luckily, this sceptred isle has none anymore so we’re safe!
Anyway, hope you had a good one.Cheerio,
“Basil”
With a beard? He must mean the mythic Billy Mays figure that lives in the heart of every true American. Brilliant move, Basil, the “Team America” theme. Why didn’t I think of that? Sounds like Basil’s guests have a lot of work to do, but Basil is making great progress. I told Basil back when he lived here in the Great Satan, that he would be profoundly changed by his experience here, and one day he’d catch himself lecturing some snivelling, sallow, half-washed Brit, and hear the terrible words coming out of his own mouth:
“The United States military is the greatest force for peace and freedom the world has ever seen … you bloody twit!”
That day may be coming sooner than I expected. Here’s the other email Basil sent me this morning:
I’ll be surprised if you haven’t heard this one before…
When in England, at a fairly large conference, Colin Powell was asked by the Archbishop of Canterbury if our plans for invading Iraq were just an example of empire building by George Bush.
He answered by saying, ‘Over the years, the United States has sent many of its fine young men and women into great peril to fight for freedom beyond our borders. The only amount of land we have ever asked for in return is enough to bury those that did not return.’
You could have heard a pin drop…
***
There was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American. During a break, one of the French engineers came back into the room saying ‘Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does he intended to do, bomb them?’
A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly: ‘Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck. We have eleven such ships; how many does France have?’
You could have heard a pin drop.
***
A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of Officers that included personnel from most of those countries.
Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English. He then asked, ‘Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking
French?’Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied ’Maybe it’s because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you wouldn’t have to speak German.’
You could have heard a pin drop.
***
Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on. ‘You have been to France before, monsieur?’ the customs officer asked sarcastically.
Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.
‘Then you should know enough to have your passport ready.’
The American said, ‘The last time I was here, I didn’t have to show it.’
‘Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France!’
The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained, ‘Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn’t find a single Frenchmen to show a passport to.’
You could have heard a pin drop.
***
If you are proud to be American, British, Canadian or Australian pass this on!
If not, delete it!
By George, I think Basil’s got it!
Posted by Jules Crittenden at 9:03 am on Sunday, July 5, 2009
5 Responses to “By George, I think He’s Got It”
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July 5th, 2009 at 7:00 pm
He owes you a Jules Crittenden-inspired Foruth of July in Old Blighty video!
July 5th, 2009 at 11:29 pm
[...] Could Have Heard a Pin Drop I saw this chain email shared on Jules Crittenden’s site and had to share it too. When in England, at a fairly large conference, Colin Powell [...]
July 6th, 2009 at 8:43 am
Good point, saveliberty … hey Basil … where’s the vid!?!
July 6th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
I say three cheers for Basil!
(I’d also have Basil and his friends, next year, sit through “Yankee Doodle Dandy” with Jimmy Cagney; “My mother thanks you, my father thanks you, my sister thanks you, and I, thank you!”; anyway, that’s for sending us “Gentleman Johnny.” All in good fun, and sorry about that Major Andre thing.)
July 6th, 2009 at 11:18 pm
I’ve seen all those before, and I still appreciate them. It’s almost obscene how glad I am to be an American, and if I’m insufferably smug about it… well, World, deal.