Nanny State Goes To War
“War is redneck as hell,” as Sgt. Howison observed one hot morning in Baghdad a few years back. He was talking about all the big vehicles, all the blowing shit up, and with all that lead and high explosive flying around the place, all the smoking and dipping and nobody much giving a damn about potential future health threats.
Yeah, smoking’s really bad for you, but …
USAToday reports that Pentagon health experts … that could be the textbook definition of REMFs … want SecDef Gates to ban tobacco use. Via HotAir, where Ed Morrissey has a poll and suggests just ending the military tobacco subsidies and letting the Joes figure out for themselves whether they want to smoke.
Heck, I say put those little four-packs in the MREs, just like they used to have in C-rations. I always thought the amazing part was that anyone was able to remain a non-smoker while everyone was almost getting his head blown off on a daily basis.
If they’re worried about people’s health, they should probably look at a ban on bullets and hand grenades, too. Those things are dangerous. Lugging around heavy packs and guns and sleeping all scrunched up in a track or a hole in the ground can really do a number on your back. I’d also like to point out that all that diesel exhaust is wicked bad for the environment. High explosives leave a really big carbon footprint, and can also cause hearing damage.
Anyway, some targeted warnings should probably be sufficient. Sort of like “Government Warning: Smoking in combat can be hazardous to your health.” Or …
Government Warning: Tobacco is the other leading cause of chest wounds that suck.
Government Warning: Dip sinks lips.
Government Warning: Hey GI, cancer has you in its crosshairs.
Government Warning: Good luck claiming your emphysema is service-related.
Government Warning: First, second and third man on the match get their lungs removed!
Government Warning: Cancer, the over-the-horizon killer.
Government Warning: Smoking, the silent but deadly way of killing a man they didn’t teach you in basic training.
Government Warning: Tobacco, when you absolutely, positively want to die horribly in 25 years.
Hey, those aren’t bad, though the last one may sound like good odds in some circumstances. I didn’t exactly set out to do some Pentagon wonk’s work for him, but are there any grants out there for this kind of thing?
Here’s another one:
Government Warning: Killing you is smoking’s jihad!
Oh, I got one:
Government Warning: Cancer. It’s tobacco’s way of saying “Fuck you, GI!”
Topics: America, military, moronocy, tobacco
Posted by Jules Crittenden at 1:11 pm on Sunday, July 12, 2009
2 Responses to “Nanny State Goes To War”
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July 13th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
Live healthy till you die. At 17, 18, 19, 36, 37, 42, whenever, etc.
July 17th, 2009 at 3:57 am
I like the warnings.