Cuban Tissue Crisis
Via Yahoo, Cuba’s dire TP shortage:
HAVANA (Reuters) – Cuba, in the grip of a serious economic crisis, is running short of toilet paper and may not get sufficient supplies until the end of the year, officials with state-run companies said on Friday.
Officials said they were lowering the prices of 24 basic goods to help Cubans get through the difficulties provoked in part by the global financial crisis and three destructive hurricanes that struck the island last year.
Cuba’s financial reserves have been depleted by increased spending for imports and reduced export income, which has forced the communist-led government to take extraordinary measures to keep the economy afloat.
Extraordinary measures.* Hey, I have an idea … free enterprise! But that takes a while. If they need an emergency infusion of toilet paper, I already suggested Putin offer them a container ship full of Spam, in exchange for a long-term lease on a missile site. Just to poke the Obama antheap, I mean administration, and watch them scurry. Spam might just excerabte the problem. Sub in TP, and you’ve got a great faux international crisis just like the Ivans like.
The Putster better hurry before Obama thinks of it first and offers free TP aid as part of his “Better Liked” outreach to the world’s despots. I’d suggest that Obama link toilet paper to the release of political prisoners, easing of oppression in Cuba, but that isn’t going to happen. Who knows, maybe a dire TP shortage could be the last straw, and inspire the Cuban people to wipe the … uh … slate clean. Czechoslovakia had a Velvet Revolution. Cuba could have a Charmin Ultra Soft one.
I’m guessing before any of that happens, Hugo uses the cash he got from selling us oil to buy Raul a load of two-ply.
* No cruel jokes about commie bumwipe not being worth the paper it’s printed on, please.
Topics: Cuba
Posted by Jules Crittenden at 10:59 am on Saturday, August 8, 2009
5 Responses to “Cuban Tissue Crisis”
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August 8th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
Considering the kind of TP I’ve encountered in Mexico and Guatemala, the Cubans are probably better off using palm leaves.
August 8th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
[...] You want anger? try living through a shortage of TP! [...]
August 8th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
Hey, maybe Michael Moore could head back down to his old stomping grounds and investigate this latest benefit of living in a socialist utopia. On the other hand, Michael Moore + Cuban food + shortage of toilet paper… (shudders).
August 9th, 2009 at 4:03 am
[...] 08/08/2009 felixandrews: Wait, what? Since when was Vladimir Putin a cricket pundit? Cuban Tissue Crisis - julescrittenden.com 08/08/2009 Via Yahoo , Cuba’s dire TP shortage: HAVANA (Reuters) – Cuba , [...]
August 9th, 2009 at 8:13 am
[...] Jules Crittenden reports that the workers paradise is running short of toilet paper. [...]