Just Gimme Some Of That Rock’N'Roll Music
Boston Herald’s Darren Garnick wants to celebrate American music. Specifically, all the great tunes that weare played for the benefit of Guantanamo detainees.
In the iconic teen movie “Say Anything,” a despondent John Cusack holds a boombox above his head and blares the song “In Your Eyes” outside the bedroom window of his estranged girlfriend.
When Cusack does this, it’s cute and heartfelt. But when the CIA uses the same technique, it’s cruel and heartless.
The Orwellian-named National Security Archive, the group that launched the Close Gitmo Now campaign, wants to put an end to the use of annoying music to weaken Americas enemies. The activists filed a Freedom of Information Act request last week demanding that the U.S. government release the full list of songs used as Muzak at CIA interrogation centers around the globe.
“At Guantanamo, the U.S. government turned a jukebox into an instrument of torture,” huffed the National Security Archives’ Thomas Blanton in a press release. Not bothering to mention any of the Americans beheaded by al-Qaeda, he laments the tragic misuse of songs by Eminem, Bruce Springsteen, Britney Spears and the Bee Gees.
Don’t forget Barney. Barney has a huge, purple, huggy presence on the Guantanamo playlist. If I’m not wrong, “Sesame Street” and “Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood” were big Git-hits, too. I was surprised they left that out. Maybe Michael Stipe, Eddie Vedder etal are too cool to acknowledge that their music is sharing airtime with the annoying kiddie favorites, and maybe shares certain jihadi-maddening qualities with it. Especially the later REM, I’d suggest, and pretty much the entire Pearl Jam catalog.
Anyway, Garnick has a pretty good idea:
It’s time for the Pentagon and CIA to get marketing savvy. They should pre-emptively release their covert iPod playlists with a simultaneous rollout on iTunes. Pushing the leftist politics of Hollywood aside, maybe the cast of “Glee” can do a fun-spirited interrogation mash-up.
He may be on to something. All the squawking about the Gitmo soundtrack from notorious alternative moneygrubbing control freaks Pearl Jam etal might be resolved if they get a cut. I bet it would be wildly popular. Could help a little with that big deficit the O admin is running up.
Because near as I can tell, this is just some kind of publicity ploy. At last report, when this issue was raised during the waning days of the hated Bushitler Regime, the military said they weren’t blaring music at jihadis anymore, although they wouldn’t rule out its use in future. I kind of doubt they’ve started it up again under the Obama admin. Here’s what one jihadi told the Euro-Kumabayahist group “Reprieve” last year, BTW:
“There was loud music, (Eminem’s) Slim Shady and Dr. Dre for 20 days. I heard this nonstop over and over,” he said. “The CIA worked on people, including me, day and night for the months before I left. Plenty lost their minds. I could hear people knocking their heads against the walls and the doors, screaming their heads off.”
Twenty days of Slim Shady? That does sound like torture. I don’t think I’d last 20 minutes. But as Garnick suggests, it beats the heck out of being an extra in a jihadi music vid while getting your head sawed off, your vehicle blown up, or your lower Manhattan office tower vaporized.
Separate issue. The Obama admin is trying to figure out how to relocate these guys to the United States. A word to the wise. If you find yourself hanging out with any ex-Gitmo detainees in, say, Amherst, do not get on an elevator with them, or listen to Ryan Seacrest’s Top 40 on the car radio. And under no circumstances play any REM or Pearl Jam, anywhere. I predict bad flashbacks.
The rest of Garnick’s column plus a fun terrorist music poll here.
Here’s my own Gitmo playlist suggestions, from last time this issue got airplay:
Helmet, “Unsung“ and anything else off the Meantime album … blocks of noise and shouting that to nihilistic aficionados such as myself sounds like Beethoven does metal, but could be highly disturbing to the untrained jihadi ear.
Ministry, “NWO“ … Repetitive industrial thrash metal with the added benfit of George Bush the elder sampled yapping on about a New World Order.
Rob Zombie, “Dragula“ … a more melodic kind of repetitive industrial thrash metal with heavy Satanic overtones.
Anything by the Sex Pistols … raw, badly played primeval punk with nasal shouting and sneering. Here’s “God Save The Queen.” Play loud.
Joy Division … what program of torment is complete without it? Here’s “She’s Lost Control.”
Led Zeppelin, “Immigrants Song” … it’s all about the onslaught of the Northern barbarians most Americans are descended from. Kicks off with relentless, unstoppable axemanship, some good screaming and great lines highly evocative of our current situation, like ”Come from the Land of the Ice and Snow … Hammer of the Gods … Valhalla, I am coming.” You know how everyone’s concerned that we don’t understand the jihadis enough? Maybe they need to understand us better.
Outkast, “Bombs Over Baghdad” … goes without saying. Satisfaction enhanced by the fact that the highly talented Outkast are anti-Bushites. The “Bob your head, ragtop” refrain at the end is hurtful and un-P.C., though.
Beastie Boys, “(You Gotta) Fight For Your Right (To Party)” … that’s more for indoctrination purposes. Maybe “No Sleep Til Brooklyn“ to rub it in a little during those all night/all weekers.
This one’s just fun. The Clash, “I’m So Bored With The USA.”
Barry Manilow … is there a reason why he isn’t on this list? Here’s a couple of particularly hellish ones: “Mandy” and “Copacabana.”
And Christmas music, of course. Lots of it. Starting with the Chipmunks.
While we’re on the subject, a big shout out to bands that actually give a damn about our way of life and those who are fighting and dying to preserve it. Starting with Three Doors Down. And a big shout out to everyone’s favorite blue-collar conservative tabloid, the Boston Herald, where Garnick and I toil. When was the last time you saw someone cheering on the GWOT in your local rag’s Arts section?
What’s the frequency, REM? Americans trending conservative. Gallup.
Topics: Guantanamo, do-goodism, song
Posted by Jules Crittenden at 9:01 am on Monday, October 26, 2009
3 Responses to “Just Gimme Some Of That Rock’N'Roll Music”
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October 27th, 2009 at 7:23 am
http://www.thewarriorsong.com/Video.html
That’s one the jihadiscum at Gitmo would quake and shake in fear upon hearing, since they’d all witnessed the truth in the words first hand.
October 27th, 2009 at 7:24 am
Dang it!! Needs an edit button gizmo. Forgot to say I found that at Theo Sparks place.
October 28th, 2009 at 9:34 am
[...] Crittenden’s FORWARD MOVEMENT — “Twenty days of Slim Shady? That does sound like torture. I don’t think I’d last [...]