Hurt More
Before we get around to that “injuries” post I mentioned yesterday, here are some more ways to hurt.*
The Official United States Navy SEAL Workout by Andrew Flach. The boss passed this on at work yesterday, I did a quick flip-through. A lot of basic information about the SEALs, with easy-to-follow photo guides on how to hurt just like they do. Looks useful, with a lot of variants, some of which are already part of my routine. Because if you aren’t doing three kinds of pushups and three kinds of crunches, you’re ignoring entire parts of your pects, abs, arms, back, etc. Don’t worry, no one’s going to make you do 200 of each, you lazy bastard. Ten of each is a good place to start your whimpering …
All of it, with the exception of the pullup bar and the obstacles, involves just you and gravity in nature’s gym, which is good if you’re cheap like me and don’t like being in confined spaces with sweaty strangers. Some nutrition information, too. The obstacles look like fun. What, you don’t have a low-crawl barbed-wire obstacle in your backyard?
Uh oh, apparently it’s a competition. Dueling SEAL workout guides. Why am I not surprised?
Here’s The Complete Guide to Navy SEAL Fitness by Lt Stewart Smith USN. High-level personal self-torture guide gets into hypoxic swim techniques. Warns against trying this alone, to avoid drowning. Also reported includes helpful tips on avoiding injuries.
Back to Flach, who’s made a business out of it. Choose your branch:
The Official Five Star Fitness Boot Camp Workout: The High-Energy Fitness Program for Men and Women If you’re like me and never did any boot camp, maybe a good place to start.
The Official United States Naval Academy Workout It’s the protracted slide-rule work it out with a pencil program. Ha ha, just kidding. Hopefully includes instructions on what to do if you fall off the fantail.
The Official U.S. Air Force Elite Workout This one has advanced air-conditioner control and TV remote exercises. Advanced knob-fiddling. How to avoid carpal tunnel syndrome while operating a joystick in Nevada for eight hours … ha ha, I crack myself up. OK, seriously, these are the guys who jump out of helicopters to rescue pilots, that kind of thing. I couldn’t do that.
Here we go. United States Marine Corps Workout. Need to assault a beach? When you absolutely, positively need to get buff. The few, the proud, the fit.
And here’s a good one. The White House Workout: The Fitness Plan Inspired by President George W. Bush’s Heathier US Initiative. See, there’s George:
Aw, I forgot for about five minutes how much I miss him. Hey, is there an Obama workout book yet? Could be useful for chain-smokers. The only thing I found in a goodle search looked like a spam come-on or a joke … much like his presidency thus far … so I didn’t click in … much like last November. Looks like the Obama Workout book project is still wide open if you’re feeling entrepreneurial. There was this, though:
Totally Toned Arms: Get Michelle Obama Arms in 21 Days Useful if you need to strongarm the IOC into giving Chicago the Olympics. Workout includes carrying boxes of DVDs and iPods around foreign capitals.
A bunch of you have already glommed onto the embedded journalist workout, Fit for Combat: When Fitness is a Matter of Life or Death, which has the benefit many of the above workout guides don’t, of being aimed specifically at fat middle-aged couch potatoes who want to Live Forever or Die Trying. Speaking of which, here’s the series to date:
Old? Fat? Feeling Death’s Icy Chill Down Your Neck? How To Live Forever Part 1, the Crittenden Workout for Middle-Aged Fat Bastards.
How To Live Forever Part 2 The Beer Workout. Drink and be healthy.
How to Live Forever Part 3 Israeli research finding: Advanced geezerdom no bar to exercise’s life-extending benefits.
How To Live Forever Part 4: Fit For Combat You think preparing for combat is healthy? Try combat. Hey, when’s someone going to market the Combat Weight Loss Program?
Run For Your Lives! Just got in that dirty little two-miler …
Danger Zone How to eat all you want this holiday season and not let something dumb like winter interfere with your workout program …
* More pain, please. Your favorite injury stories and recovery methods via “contact” or in comments, and we’ll put together a post on dealing with workout injuries.
Topics: Live Forever Or Die Trying!, books
Posted by Jules Crittenden at 10:20 am on Wednesday, November 4, 2009
4 Responses to “Hurt More”
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November 4th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
I did as little as possible and was low drag as possible during basic and all the following training. Not really knowing how much I would need it to be in top shape. But…
During the next two years of my life, I was to find out I should have been more attentive and tried harder.
We were supposed to just observe and report. This meant walking in mountains in weather that was 90/90 at least when it wasn’t raining, which was almost every other day. Then you had to keep from drowning.
After a few months of this I was in better shape, having lost almost fifty lbs and weighing about 125 soaking wet and could run with a fifty lb pack and keep it up until I fell flat (which was often in the vines, weeds and crap). After an adjustment in my health by the NVA I graduated into civilian life, where I rode a Harley, drank beer and ate good American fast food until I had gained my fifty back and a little more.
A lesson from all this. Pay attention! Keep yourself fit! Live long enough to come home and abuse yourself another fifty years and enjoy your grand kids and keep your weapons clean, your skills sharp and be ready and willing to protect your Republic.
Papa Ray
November 4th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
I havent checked your links yet, but just in case, here’s this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZxTANP1JX8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GX7pD-CeCvU&feature=fvw
Based on the USMC Boot Camp Quarterdeck “attitude adjustment” sessions.
November 4th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
A workout I did back in the day, that was meant to build deep endurance, strengthen connective tissues and raise pain threshold.
Work top to bottom (shoulders first, then work down the body).
Start with 75 lbs dumbells in each hand. Hands at shoulder level. Vertical press.
10 sets of 6, with 10 deep breaths for break between each set.
Then trade out for 50 lbs dumbells, same exercise.
10 sets of 10 with 10 deep breaths for break between each set.
Then trade out for 20 lbs dumbells, same exercise.
10 sets of 20 with 10 deep breaths between each set.
Then drop down to 10 lbs dumbells, same exercise.
5 sets of 100. Take 2 minute break.
Next is curles, same weights, same reps same rest pace.
Next is lat pulldowns. Same weights, same reps, same rest pace. (requires workout machine)
Next is tricep press, same weights, same reps, same rest pace. (requires machine)
Next is benchpress.
Start with 200 lbs and do sets of 10 reps, dropping 10 lbs after each set down to 100 lbs.
At 100 lbs, do 5 sets of 10.
then drop the weight to 50 lbs and do 3 sets of 100.
Then do squats. same as benchpress.
Then do 200 situps in sets of 20.
Same with burpies.
Finish with a 5 mile, slow, run.
November 4th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
It’s humanly impossible for this old lady to participate in basic training activities, but keep up the encouragement, Jules. I need it to keep on my walking/elliptical/dumbbell lifting regime (even though it would be mere puffery to all you muscular Adonises… Adonisii?)